Inspirations

Question 5: Can I be alone?

2011-09-13T11:43:00.001-05:00

All of our great traditions, religious, contemplative and artistic, say that you must a learn how to be alone—and have a relationship with silence. It is difficult, but it can start with just the tiniest quiet moment.

Being quiet in the midst of a frenetic life is like picking up a new instrument. If you've never played the violin and you try to play it for the first time, every muscle in your body hurts. Your neck hurts, you don't know how to hold that awkward wavy thing called a bow, you can't get your knuckles round to touch the strings, you can't even find where the notes are, you are just trying to get your stance right. Then you come back to it again, and again, and suddenly you can make a single buzzy note. The time after that, you can make a clearer note. No one, not even you, wants to listen to you at first. But one day, there is a beautiful succession of notes and, yes, you have played a brief, gifted, much appreciated passage of music.

This is also true for the silence inside you; you may not want to confront it at first. But a long way down the road, when you inhabit a space fully, you no longer feel awkward and lonely. Silence turns, in effect, into its opposite, so it becomes not only a place to be alone but also a place that's an invitation to others to join you, to want to know who's there, in the quiet.

Question 4, The Temple of Aloness

2011-09-13T11:35:00.002-05:00

That temple was the house I moved into after the end of a chapter in my life. There I would live alone, but also with my son a good deal of the time. It was a new start. There was a great deal of grief in letting go of the old, but I was so very excited about my new home. I felt that even though it was such a small house and an old house, it had endless new horizons for me, as if the rest of my life was just beginning from that place. It is important to have the equivalent of this house at every crucial stage in our lives. Where do you have that feeling of home? Do you have it in your apartment? Do you have it when you walk along the lakeshore or the seashore? Where do you have that sense of spaciousness with the horizon and with your future?

Gaston Bachelard, a French philosopher, said that one of the beautiful things about a home is that it is a place where you can dream about your future, and that a good home protects your dreams; it is a place where you feel sheltered enough to risk yourself in the world.

Question 3

2011-09-09T18:08:00.001-05:00

3) Am I harvesting from this year's season of life? "Youth is wasted on the young" is the old saying. But it might also be said that midlife is wasted on those in their 50s and eldership is very often wasted on the old.

Most people, I believe, are living four or five years behind the curve of their own transformation. I see it all the time, in my own life and others. The temptation is to stay in a place where we were previously comfortable, making it difficult to move to the frontier that we're actually on now.

People usually only come to this frontier when they have had a terrible loss in their life or they've been fired or some other trauma breaks open their story. Then they can't tell that story any more. But having spent so much time away from what is real, they hit present reality with such impact that they break apart on contact with the true circumstance. So the trick is to catch up with the conversation and stay with it —where am I now?—and not let ourselves become abstracted from what is actually occurring around us.

If you were a farmer, and you tried to harvest what belonged to the previous season, you'd exhaust yourself trying to bring it in when it's no longer there. Or attempting to gather fruit too early, too hard or too late and too ripe. A person must understand the conversation happening around them as early in the process as possible and then stay with it until it bears fruit.

Important Questions, (2)

2011-08-29T16:17:00.002-05:00

2) What can I be wholehearted about?

So many of us aren't sure what we're meant to do. We wonder if we're simply doing what others are doing because we feel we don't have enough ideas or even enough strength of our own.

There was a time, many years ago, working at a nonprofit organization, trying to fix the world and finding the world didn't want to be fixed as quickly as I'd like, that I found myself exhausted, stressed and finally, after one particularly hard day, at the end of my tether, I went home and saw a bottle of fine red wine I had left out on the table that morning before I left. No, I did not drink it immediately, though I was tempted, but it reminded me that I was to have a very special guest that evening.

That guest was an Austrian friend, a Benedictine monk, Brother David Steindl-Rast, the nearest thing I had to a really wise person in my life at that time or at any time since. We would read German poetry together—he would translate the original text, I read the translations, all the while drinking the red wine. But I had my day on my mind, and the mind-numbing tiredness I was experiencing at work. I said suddenly, out of nowhere, almost beseechingly, "Brother David, speak to me of exhaustion. Tell me about exhaustion."

And then he said a life-changing thing. "You know," he said, "the antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest."

"What is it then?"

"The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness. You're so exhausted because you can't be wholehearted at what you're doing...because your real conversation with life is through poetry."

It was just the beginning of a long road that was to take my real work out into the world, but it was a beginning.

What do I care most about—in my vocation, in my family life, in my heart and mind?

Important Questions

2011-08-23T12:41:00.001-05:00

1) Do I know how to have real conversation?

A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal herself or himself to you, to tell you who they are or what they want. To do this requires vulnerability. Now we tend to think that vulnerability is associated with weakness, but there's a kind of robust vulnerability that can create a certain form of strength and presence too.

There are many tough conversations, but one of the most difficult is between a parent and an adolescent daughter, partly because as a parent we are almost always attempting to relate to someone who is no longer there. The parent therefore usually tries to start the conversation by offering a perspective that the daughter finds not only out of date but also unhelpful; the daughter then replies by way of defense with something just a shade more unhelpful, and so the process continues. A year or so ago, I found myself in exactly this dynamic, my daughter's bedroom door slamming shut just as I was just about to say that last, deeply satisfying unhelpful thing.

But I caught myself and said, "David, this isn't a real conversation. How do you make this a real conversation?" I gave it the old 10-minute cooldown time, walked into the kitchen, made tea and put out a tray, and on the tray: a plate of cookies, a milk pitcher, a cup and a saucer. Then I knocked on her door and said in a very different, more invitational voice, "Come on, Charlotte, I've made tea. Let's go and have a talk."

As soon as I put the tray down and we had sat next to each other, almost by accident I happened to say exactly the right thing—I said, "Charlotte, tell me one thing you'd like me to stop doing as a father. And tell me one thing you'd like me to do more of." She suddenly gazed up at me with a lovely look in her eyes, one I knew from her very early infancy. She was engaged again because at last I was really inviting her to tell me was who she had become—not who she had been or who I wanted her to be—but who she was now. (David Whyte)

What's It All About?

2011-08-06T11:14:00.000-05:00

What is it all about? To get things done? No! Because you do them, and you undo them, and you do them, and you undo them, and you do them, and you undo them... What is the point in all of it?

It is the thrill of the process along the way. Physical human minds keeps thinking, "We have to be going towards some end." And you kill each other by the millions trying to decide what is the appropriate end that you are all going toward. And we say: well, there's your flawed premise. Because there is no end that you're going toward. We are all on a perpetual cycle of joyous becoming. We will never get it done, ever, ever, ever, ever.

--- Abraham

Be Gentle....

2011-08-02T18:03:00.004-05:00

Compacted, frozen pain energy is like a baby. As a mother does not address her fussing baby with nondual language, neither do we in the meeting with ourselves. You may know and understand a lot and be conscious, but these energies are not conscious.

You come into direct relationship with them. Direct but gentle, not piercing, not intrusive, not will-powering anything. Asking contracted energy what it needs is a lovely way of acknowledging its presence and becoming intimate with it. Everything that is not at rest wants to be acknowledged, to be received and bathed in gentleness and benevolence.

It calls for a major slowing down, to receive the old, repressed cries of pain that show up now as contractions, as bodily sensations.

The mind is conditioned to want results - the result in this case being the disappearance of the disturbance. It is very, very sweet to bypass this, allowing the body to have what it has for as long as it does. You may walk around for hours with disturbance but you can be nurturing and aware of your precious cargo. Mercy and opening.

As you become more relaxed with meeting energy in yourself, you find a natural extension of this happening with others. Pain energy in another is no different in any way from energy in your own system. It is all the same separated, totally impersonal energy seeking resolution, looking for Home. So you find yourself, if the situation is fitting, in direct, welcoming relationship with these balls of energy in another, bypassing the personality and issue and mechanisms of mind. A catalyst for the dissolution of pain in others, a totally organic movement of Love. *Mags Deane

About What's Troubling You

2011-07-29T11:59:00.001-05:00

The question is: Do you want to handle it or do you want to deal with it? Handling it means you get beyond it for a time. You create a work-around which allows you to remain unchanged and still get past the challenge......temporarily. If you simply put it on hold. You have hit the snooze button and you are indeed in for a rude awakening.

However, if you want to remove the challenge and its power from your life, you must deal with it. Dealing with something means you address it at its seat of power. How do you know where the seat of power is? It is that which frightens you. Fear is an indicator of something you need to deal with. If you are afraid of someone or a situation to the point where it causes you upset, you deal with it directly by moving through it. (Posted in the Humanity Healing community)

Handle it and it returns; deal with it and
you move past it for good.

Dealing with it means getting to the root of the issue. Sometimes you can do that on your own if you have quiet time, or with the help of someone close to you. Other times, you will need to see a counselor.

Fun

2011-07-25T12:26:00.003-05:00

Fun means to find pleasure in that which you are doing. And you are doing what you are doing by choice—you are not being forced. Therefore, have fun. You have a chance to enjoy (infuse with joy) your day-to-day activities or, instead, live them as a struggle.

Neither is correct. The activities themselves are neutral. It is all how you choose to process what you experience. It is what you tell yourself.

This day, tell yourself how fortunate you are to have the tasks you have to perform. Find pleasure in being able to strive and to accomplish. Take time to breathe and to drink in the beauty all around you.

Facing Issues

2011-07-10T13:23:00.001-05:00

Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. It just keeps returning with new names, forms, and manifestations until we learn whatever it was to teach us about where we are separating ourselves from reality, how we are pulling back instead of opening up, closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter, without hesitating or retreating into ourselves

Steps to Wholeness

2011-07-05T18:11:00.004-05:00

by Deepak Chopra

1. Nourish your "light body." If you feed it with fresh energy every day, it will provide you with inspiration and guidance.

2. Turn entropy into evolution. With constant input from your soul, your mind can generate never ending creativity.

3. Commit yourself to deeper awareness. Ask for new vision, new beliefs, and a new sense of self every day.

4. Be generous of spirit. Generosity begins at the level of the soul, which never runs out of the two things totally necessary to life: energy and awareness.

5. Focus on relationships instead of consumption. Wholeness depends on relationships that are whole. You cannot be whole in isolation. As your soul sees you, you are connected to everything. To be connected means to be in relationship.

6. Relate to your body consciously. Every day, your body consciously tends to you, never losing focus. You can acknowledge this faithful service by consciously relating to your body in turn with trust, consideration, honesty, mutual cooperation and loving appreciation.

7. Embrace every day as a new world. There seems to be a gap between mind and body. Since the mind sets the body's agenda, if you win the tiny battles against routine, inertia, and boredom, this gap will close and every day will seem like a renewal.

8. Let the timeless be in charge of time. Your soul's frame of reference is timeless. Live from that timeless place. At your source all events are laid out with perfect timing. Time submits to your desire, not the other way around.

9. Feel the world instead of trying to understand it. The flow of life refuses to be analyzed. Yet you were designed with sensitive awareness that goes far beyond thinking. Instead of trying to understand the endlessly changing world, you can feel your way and trust those feelings. Only then will you know what is unfolding around you.

10. Seek after your own mystery. You must want wholeness as fervently as you want a job, house, car, and family. You must be willing to walk the path alone. The answer lies in seeking your own mystery, not a mystery handed to you by anyone else.

Friendship

2011-07-04T12:47:00.003-05:00

Friendship is about reciprocal cherishing. It may come as a surprise that to be a good friend you might need to be able to receive loving care as well as give it. But this is the essence of friendship. If you look at what you and your good friends actually do for each other from this perspective, you can see how when you are able to indulge each other you open emotional doors. The knots of hurt, the grudges, dissolve.

You are receptive, responsive. So you have the feeling when you're with your friend that you are suddenly more able to express yourself, to relax, to breathe. It's like coming home to wishes that you were not able to feel, much less express. As one student wrote: "Talking with Isabelle after a painful evening, I felt free, content, lightweight."

You tell your friend, "You won't believe what happened today..." and this means, "You, as my friend, will help me figure out what happened today." This "you won't believe..." conversation is a crucial part of friendship; because it is the channel for relieving a diffuse "down" feeling we all have under our surfaces at times. Everyone has experienced some degree of depression, and at the bottom of that depression is our shock that our inborn expectation of cherishment has not been fulfilled. We are incredulous to find that our expectation could have been disappointed, whether it happened today or in the long ago past. "I do not believe that they treated me like that!" we say. Or "Oh my God, they were not there for me!" "My parents expected me to parent them!" "Why was I surprised...?"

Your friend is the one who can hear this cry of incredulity and comfort you. How? By being there, by letting you be a child asking for help. With your friend, you can revisit and work through your disappointments, get back in balance, restore your trust in people's goodness.
~Elizabeth Young-Bruehl~

Reflections

2011-06-29T17:38:00.001-05:00

People you feel drawn to reflect your inner self back at you, and you act as a mirror for them as well.

When we look at other people, we see many of their qualities in innumerable and seemingly random combinations. However, the qualities that we see in the people around us are directly related to the traits that exist in us. “Like attracts like” is one of the spiritual laws of the universe. We attract individuals into our lives that mirror who we are. Those you feel drawn to reflect your inner self back at you, and you act as a mirror for them. Simply put, when you look at others, you will likely see what exists in you. When you see beauty, divinity, sweetness, or light in the soul of another, you are seeing the goodness that resides in your soul. When you see traits in others that evoke feelings of anger, annoyance, or hatred, you may be seeing reflected back at you those parts of yourself that you have disowned or do not like.

Because we are all mirrors for each other, looking at the people in your life can tell you a lot about yourself. Who you are can be laid bare to you through what you see in others. It is easy to see the traits you do not like in others. It is much more difficult to realize that you possess those same traits. Often, the habits, attitudes, and behaviors of others are closely linked to our unconscious and unresolved issues.

When you come into contact with someone you admire, search your soul for similarly admirable traits. Likewise, when you meet someone exhibiting traits that you dislike, accept that you are looking at your reflection. Looking at yourself through your perception of others can be a humbling and eye-opening experience. You can also cultivate in you the traits and behaviors that you do like. Be loving and respectful to all people, and you will attract individuals that will love and respect you back. Nurture compassion and empathy and let the goodness you see in others be your mirror. *Daily OM*

Life Is About Fun!

2011-06-28T10:49:00.002-05:00

All is well, and you will never get it done.

Life is supposed to be fun.

No one is taking score of any kind, and if you will stop taking score so much, you will feel a whole lot better — and as you feel a whole lot better, more of the things that you want right now will flow to you. You will never be in a place where all of the things that you are wanting will be satisfied right now, or then you could be complete — and you never can be. This incomplete place that you stand is the best place that you could be.

You are right on track, right on schedule. Everything is unfolding perfectly. All is really well. Have fun. Have fun. Have fun!

--- Abraham

Enjoying the Ride

2011-06-23T17:43:00.002-05:00

The flow of the universe moves through everything. It’s in the rocks that form, get pounded into dust, and are blown away, the sprouting of a summer flower born from a seed planted in the spring, the growth cycle that every human being goes through, and the current that takes us down our life’s paths. When we move with the flow, rather than resisting it, we are riding on the universal current that allows us to flow with life.

Many people live their lives struggling against this current. They try to use force or resistance to will their lives into happening the way they think it should. Others move with this flow like a sailor using the wind, trusting that the universe is taking them exactly where they need to be at all times. This flow is accessible to everyone because it moves through and around us.

We are always riding this flow. It’s just a matter of whether we are willing to go with it or resist it. Tapping into the flow is often a matter of letting go of the notion that we need to be in control at all times. The flow is always taking you where you need to go. It’s just a matter of deciding whether you plan on taking the ride or dragging your feet.

Learning to step into the flow can help you feel a connection to a force that is greater than you and is always there to support you. The decision to go with the flow can take courage because you are surrendering the notion that you need to do everything by yourself. Riding the flow of the universe can be effortless, exhilarating, and not like anything that you ever expected. When you are open to being in this flow, you open yourself to possibilities that exist beyond the grasp of your control. (Daily OM)

Allow Your Soul to Guide

2011-06-15T12:38:00.003-05:00

I am presently taking a course from Deepak Chopra, and I want to share with you what I believe is a helpful chart. It will clarify why transactions go awry and why they go well. The important thing to remember is to never fight with EGO as it only strengthens it. Be aware of it, accept it for what it is, and then go on about your life.

Learn to see through the ego's insistence upon being right. Letting go comes down to choosing between the values of the soul over the values of the ego:

Soul	Ego
Accepting	Rejecting
Approving	Critical
Cooperating	Opposing
Detached	Clinging
Calm	Agitated
Forgiving	Resentful
Selfless	Selfish
Peaceful	Conflicted
Non-judgmental	Judgmental

Stop Making Life Difficult

2011-06-12T18:51:00.003-05:00

LIFE IS NOT DIFFICULT, despite what you believe. Connecting to your soul is easier than whatever you are doing right now.

It takes effort to keep your soul at a distance. So stop whatever you're doing that makes your life hard. When you stop struggling, the path to the soul is automatic. Everything you want to achieve will appear as a natural unfolding.

When you meet with day-to-day obstacles, you have put up inner obstacles first. These obstacles block the flow of life from soul to mind to body. If the flow weren't blocked, it would bring everything the soul has to offer.

The soul offers an open channel to new knowledge in the same way. If you ask for the truth about something, the truth dawns. If you ask for the solution to a problem, the solution appears. *Deepak Chopra*

Stop Self-Defeating Behaviors

2011-06-08T19:40:00.004-05:00

Complaining about anything holds you in the place of refusing to receive the things you've been asking for.

Justifying about anything holds you in the place of refusing to let in the very things that you've been asking for.

Blaming someone holds you in the place of refusing to let in the things that you've been asking for.

Feeling guilty, feeling angry, it doesn't matter what you call it; it is a refusal, not a conscious one.

You're asking; you can't help but ask. The Universe is yielding; it must yield. ALLOW what you are asking for. ALLOW. *Abraham-Hicks*

Give Up Excuses!

2011-06-04T17:42:00.003-05:00

People who have a built-in all-purpose excuse (middle child syndrome, wrong astrology sign, some slight at the hands of the system long ago) often end up failing--they have an excuse ready to go, so it's easier to back off when the going is rough.

Here's an alternative to the excuse-driven life: What happens if you relentlessly avoid looking for excuses at all?

Instead of seeking excuses, the successful project is filled with people who are obsessed with avoiding excuses. If you relentlessly work to avoid opportunities to use your ability to blame, you may never actually need to blame anyone. Seth Godin

Blaming is a waste of time. No one buys into it but you! And, while you are blaming circumstances or others, absolving yourself of responsibility, you are also giving away your power! You are throwing away your opportunity to learn from what went wrong and to do it differently the next time. You have no power...nor will you ever have....over others. Excuses only hold you back.

Really Busy?

2011-05-30T12:01:00.002-05:00

Most of us judge how busy we are by how much we have to do. When there are too many things to do, we think we're busy, and when there isn't much to do, it feels like we're not busy at all. But in fact, we can feel busy when there isn't that much to do, and we can feel relaxed even when there's a lot going on.

The states of "busy" and "not busy" aren't defined by how many things there are to do. Contrary to popular opinion, there is no such thing as multitasking; the brain can tend to only one thing at a time.

Being too busy or not being busy is an interpretation of our activity. Busy-ness is a state of mind, not a fact. No matter how much or how little we're doing, we're always just doing what we're doing, simply living this one moment of our lives. –Norman Fischer

How To Be With Others

2011-05-28T19:24:00.002-05:00

The 25 traits below represent the ideal way to be with others. Consciously working on these for yourself is the spiritual practice doing onto others as you would have them do onto you. Those who possess these traits are liked by many simply because being this way gives energy to others. It is the practice of being loving, caring, giving and sharing which is all about the flow of energy.

It's quite a list. I suggest you take just one or two new traits to which to pay attention and practice every day. When these have become habit, then go on to another.

Allow others to be just as they are.

Give others the space to be and express themselves.

Show them your gratitude.

Be genuine, honest, open and loving.

Show a genuine interest in them.

Show them how unique they are.

Speak your truth without the need to justify it.

Allow others to speak their truth without judging them.

Listen. You’re alone when you do all the talking.

Don’t gossip about others. Talking highly of others is great but gossip is an energy drainer.

Give others the benefit of doubt – Everyone is human. Things are not always what they seem.

Give others space when they need it. Everyone needs their own space at times to refocus.

Consider their feelings.

Allow others to make their own decisions.

Allow your encounter to be just as it is without needing it to be different.

Be the same person with everyone.

Give them energy by sharing your excitement and passion for life.

Let them know how they bring something special to your life.

Be yourself.

Ask others for their honest opinion.

Resolve problems together.

Spend quality time with them. When you are there, be fully present.

Share an experience. Do something that you both have never done before.

Be playful, laugh and have fun. Stop being so serious. Being too serious is an energy drainer.

And most importantly, Know when to walk away from someone who is draining your energy on purpose. Its one thing to help someone in need and another to be abused by energy suckers. I’m sure you have already met someone who continuously drains you

Easy Does It

2011-05-24T10:29:00.002-05:00

Be easy about this. Be playful about it. Don't work so hard at it. Let your dominant intent to be to feel good, and if you don't feel good, then let your dominant intent be to feel relief.

Feel your way through it. If you think your way through it, you can get off on all kinds of tangents. If you feel your way through it, you can come quickly to your Core Energy, and when you do that only good can then flow to you.

*Abraham-Hicks*

Stillness

2011-05-18T19:33:00.004-05:00

If a response is required in a situation, focus within and feel the inner body. You will immediately become still and present as you withdraw consciousness from your mind, and the answer or action will come up from this deeper level.

Stillness is your essential nature. When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.
*Eckhart Tolle*

Sitting for a few minutes in a Whole Brain Posture, hands crossed at the wrists, feet flat on the floor and crossed at the ankles, is a very easy and efficient way to achieve this "stillness".

Prevent Erosion of the Body

2011-05-16T08:19:00.006-05:00

We all have seen people whose outlook and body defied their chronological age. Like most of us, you have probably assumed that they had just been lucky in the genes they inherited. But, there's more to this.

Deepak Chopra offers some excellent advice on aging, and especially on preventing what he sees as optional erosion of the body.

Invisible factors of erosion and aging

1. Unpredictability -- Random events disrupt your body's rhythms.

2. Disorder, confusion -- A breakdown of external order leads to inner disorder.

3. Accidents -- Mistakes in your life lead to mistake in your body.

4. Trauma, sickness -- When wounded, your body loses track of time.

5. Violence -- When attacked, your body's timing is shattered.

6. Chaos -- When all sense of order is destroyed, your body cannot manage time at all.

Making Time Your Ally

1. Keep regular hours, eat and sleep on a regular schedule.

2. Avoid drastic changes in diet and activity.

3. Set up an orderly work environment. Reduce distractions.

4. Rest quietly once to twice during the day to let our body retune itself.

5. Take yourself out of stressful situations sooner rather than later.

6. Take your time; don't rush.

7. Make decisions when they arise. Don't procrastinate or get distracted.

8. Protect yourself , avoid the temptation to plunge into high-risk situations.

9. Put your house and finances in order.

10. Address underlying anxiety and underlying anger. Learn to do this without losing control or hurting others.

11. Become more resilient emotionally.

12. Live as if you have all the time in the world.

Dealing With Irritation

2011-05-13T18:20:00.006-05:00

There will always be factors and people that we cannot control; how we respond can determine the quality of our lives.

From a spiritual perspective, irritation can be an important teacher and indicator that we are making progress on our path.

I see feeling irritated as a sign of faulty thinking. We believe the irritating person "knows better" and is purposely annoying us. But, who are we to determine how another should behave? How is it that we think they should please us? It could be that WE are in error. Wouldn't it be better to be more accepting, and know that the behavior of others has nothing to do with US? Their behavior is their business, not ours to judge.

This goes against everything we have been taught, doesn't it? We are taught to please others, and so we believe others should please us...all the time. Wouldn't it be more workable to teach love?

Regarding Constant Improving

2011-05-08T12:10:00.005-05:00

No one imagines that symphony is supposed to improve as it goes along, or that the whole object of playing is to reach the finale. The point of music is discovered in every moment of playing and listening to it. It is the same, I feel, with the greater part of our lives, and if we are unduly absorbed in improving them we may forget altogether to live them.

Looking for Answers

2011-05-03T12:58:00.004-05:00

When you realize that you always have the answers within yourself, you can stop searching outside of yourself.

When we get quiet enough to tune into our hearts, we always know what we want and what action to take. We just have to tune out all those voices of the past which may have led us to doubt ourselves.

On Being Good Enough

2011-04-28T12:45:00.004-05:00

Recently I read an article by Pema Chodron in which she says that our behavior is due to fear...the nameless fear we cannot name and scurry to cover up with overeating, overshopping, overtalking, overworking, and drinking/drugging. She says, and it rings true for me, "The basis of fear is not trusting yourself, not loving yourself. In a nutshell, you feel bad about who you are."

Our conscious mind does well with a constant positive "feed". With this in mind, I share my favorite quotes about the goodness of being you.

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
Dr. Seuss

Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone else's life.

Kobi Yamada

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
e.e. cummings

Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.
Shakti Gawain

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

You were born an original. Don't die a copy.
John Mason

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Oscar Wilde

Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our life trying to satisfy other people's demands. We have learned to live by other people's points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else.
Don Miguel Ruiz

Resistance

2011-04-24T13:19:00.009-05:00

Resistance is something which never ceases to amaze me. Work with clients becomes difficult until the resistance to change is worked through...and sometimes, the client bolts before that is accomplished.

I find it no less amazing in myself! I have given up understanding it, and am not practicing acceptance of it, which, I think, is a necessary step in the process of working through it.

If you've experienced breakthrough from resistance (to a situation, to change, to a task etc.) full acceptance, you know what incredible relief that brings. It's as if the sky has cleared after a many dark and gloomy days.

The only thing that ever makes you tired or bogs you down is RESISTANCE.

**Abraham-Hicks**

The Art of Apology

2011-04-19T19:56:00.003-05:00

No one likes apologizing. And, yet, we feel good once we've done it!

How to Apologize
Apologizing is rarely comfortable or easy, so if you're going to do it at all, make it count. Aaron Lazare, MD, a psychiatrist and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, has spent years studying acts of contrition in every context, from interpersonal to international. He has found that, to be effective, most apologies need to contain the following elements:

1. Full acknowledgment of the offense. Start by describing exactly what you did wrong, without avoiding the worst truths. Once the facts are out, acknowledge that your behavior violated a moral code. It doesn't matter whether you and the person you've hurt shares the same ethics: If you've broken your own rules, you're in the wrong. Accept responsibility.

2. An explanation. A truthful explanation is your best shot at rebuilding a strong, peaceful relationship. The core-deep explanation for your behavior is your key to changing for the better. Explanations help you and your victim understand why you misbehaved and assure both of you that the offense won't recur. Excuses merely deflect responsibility. Leave them out of your apology.

3. Genuine expression of remorse. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of the comment "I'm sorry you feel that way" knows the difference between sincere regret and an attempt to avoid responsibility for bad behavior. Few things are less likely to evoke forgiveness than apology without remorse.

4. Reparations for damage. An apology includes real repair work: not just saying "I'm sorry." Often there will be nothing tangible to repair; hearts and relationships are broken more often than physical objects. In such cases, your efforts should focus on restoring the other person's dignity. The question "What else do you want me to do?" can start this process. If you ask it sincerely, really listen to the answer and act on the other party's suggestions, you'll be honoring their feelings, perspective and experience. The knowledge that one is heard and valued has incredible healing power; it can mend even seemingly irreparable wounds.

Accepting What Is

2011-04-13T13:23:00.005-05:00

None of us can make giant leaps from where we are. It takes time to learn to think new thoughts, and yet more time to integrate them. When I heard Byron Katie speaking about "loving what is" I understood the concept....for about a minute, and then that brief flash of light was gone. I've tried to find that comprehension again, and...so far....have been unable to achieve it.

Today, I was shown the way when I ran across the following quote which, for me, is a stepping stone in comprehending how to be at peace. Learning and growing is about small steps, not giant leaps.

"Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind.... To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all." — Buddha

Now, THIS I understand!:-)

Boosting Optimism

2011-04-11T19:14:00.002-05:00

This is a classic optimism boosting exercise from Martin Seligman, PhD, the father of positive psychology. The goal, Seligman says, is to get you to stop thinking pessimistically, rather than teach you to start thinking optimistically (which rarely works). "This fix isn't instantaneous," he says. "But we've done studies on it involving thousands of subjects, and we know it's effective."

A. Name the adversity, or problem.
(For example: "I didn't get a call back after my job interview.")

B. List your beliefs.
These are your initial reactions to the problem. ("The interviewer saw right through me. I don't deserve that position. And he could probably tell I don't believe in myself. I'm sure the other applicants are smarter, younger, and more qualified than I am.")

C. Identify the consequences of your beliefs.
("I'm going to quit my job search so I don't have to suffer through this feeling of failure again.")

D. Formulate a disputation of your beliefs.
Pessimistic reactions are often overreactions, so start by correcting distorted thoughts. ("I probably didn't feel confident because that position wasn't the best fit. It's only a matter of time before I find an opportunity that's right for me. And now that I've had practice, I will be better prepared to present my best self.")

E. Describe how energized and empowered you feel now.
("I'm more motivated to keep looking for a job that makes me happy. I won't let fear stand in my way.")

Practice this exercise as often as possible, and when you can, take time to write out the ABCDEs. Eventually, the sequence will become a habitual thought process. Seligman found that his subjects were still using the technique four years after he taught it to them.

Turning Things Around

2011-04-09T17:50:00.003-05:00

We are all Vibrational Beings. You're like a receiving mechanism that when you set your tuner to the station, you're going to hear what's playing. Whatever you are focused upon is the way you set your tuner, and when you focus there for as little as 17 seconds, you activate that vibration within you. Once you activate a vibration within you, Law of Attraction begins responding to that vibration, and you're off and running -- whether it's something wanted or unwanted. (Abraham-Hicks)

And, this is why when things are going awry, the quickest way to change them is to put our focus on that which makes us happy. It may not always be an easy thing to do, but it's well worth the effort. All that's necessary is to point ourselves in the right direction, even if it's only slightly better than where we are. Small steps. We just need to keep taking them.

2011-04-06T08:53:00.006-05:00

Our lives are made of stepping stones, one experience after another in perfect and divine order.

The way we show up for our lives today and tomorrow has an enormous effect on who we will be and what we will be experiencing years from now. If we can remain fully engaged in the day at hand, enjoying all it has to offer and putting our energy into making the most of it, we will find that we are perfectly ready and capable to handle any future when it arrives. (based on the Daily OM)

Years ago, when working in a job not particularly suited to my skill-set, my mantra was "Suit up and show up!" It means being fully present and willing to do what the day brings up. The result is a relaxing of will while doing one's best. Today....what feels like centuries later....this concept is even more meaningful to me. I LIKE how my life works when I show up, ready to listen to and follow a higher guidance system.

Taking the High Road

2011-04-03T10:33:00.004-05:00

When someone we trust treats us treats us shabbily, how we react is our choice. If our assessment of the situation tells us that peaceful discussion is not possible, we can either express our disappointment and anger, or take the high road by treated them the way we wish to have been treated.

We want to set good boundaries, and not be someone to walk over, but there are some people so addicted to drama and conflicts that it's impossible to reach an understanding with them. If it is not possible to reach an understanding in a kind sort of way, we need to respect ourselves enough to reevaluate whether the relationship is one we really want for ourselves. We are not ever going to change the other person!

Not feeling anger and hurt in such a situation requires having reached a rather high level of spiritual development, I think. If we are acting "as if" by taking the high road, we may have to suppress a lot of emotion in order to make that choice. If this emotion is not given a healthy outlet, it will "out" itself in other ways. Depression and physical illness are only some of these. I think taking the high road is a two step process. Taking care of ourselves means allowing ourselves to feel the emotions we chose to not express and finding a healthy outlet for them. Physical activity, finding a private space where one can scream, massage, or writing letters which we never mail....are examples of some healthy outlets. Find what works for you.

Do or Don't: Equally Important

2011-03-31T08:57:00.005-05:00

Every action taken affects the whole as greatly as every action NOT taken.

Life is sculpted on a moment-to-moment basis. Every one of the thoughts we think, the words we speak, and the actions we take contributes to the complex quality and character of the universe’s unfolding. It simply is not possible to be alive without making an impact on the world that surrounds us.

When we neglect to recycle, speak up, vote, or help somebody in immediate need, we are denying ourselves the opportunity to be an agent for positive change. Instead, we are enabling a particular course to continue unchallenged, picking up speed even as it goes along.

By holding the belief that our actions don’t make much of a difference, we may find that we often tend to forego opportunities for involvement. Alternatively, if we see ourselves as important participants in an ever-evolving world, we may feel more inspired to contribute our unique perspective and gifts to a situation.

We affect the whole! What may seem to us as insignificant, our actions count. Whether it is remaining peaceful, offering a kind word to a friend, giving resources to people in need, or just taking responsibility for our own behavior....it all affects not only us but the greater whole. By doing what we can, when we can, we add positive energy to our world. And sometimes, it may be our one contribution that makes all the difference. (Based on The Daily OM)

Choosing Happiness

2011-03-28T19:44:00.005-05:00

Some people seem to be born with sunny dispositions, and no matter what happens to them their glass always remains half full. Those of us who were not blessed with this perennial cheerful outlook can choose happiness.

I'm not referring to the type of fleeting happiness a financial windfall, an achievement, or a new coveted possession might bring. There is a deeper and sustaining happiness which depends completely on you. Simply put, don't do what makes you unhappy. Do what makes you happy. (If you find yourself arguing with what you have just read, ask if arguing makes you happy.:-)
Become aware of and take control of what you do.

Choices and Values Lead to Real Happiness (Deepak Chopra)

Meditation, which opens up deeper levels of the mind.
Actions that benefit others.
Social relationships that support intimacy and bonding.
Inspiration through reading the world's scriptures and poetry.
Taking enjoyment in natural beauty.
Having a vision of personal fulfillment that you follow every day.
Aiming for inner fulfillment rather than external fulfillment.
Reducing stress.
Taking time for peaceful reflection.
Learning to love your own company, cultivating the self as a state of being.
Eschewing violence and anger in all its forms, gross and subtle.
Resolving conflicts, both inner and outer, rather than letting them build up.
Paying one's debt to the past, which means healing old hurts and grievances.
Stepping away from group think and second-hand opinions.
Giving up a belief in enemies and us-versus-them thinking.
Cultivating kindness and compassion.
Being generous of spirit, learning to give.
Seeing yourself as part of a larger humanity, and humanity itself as an expression of the divine, despite our flaws.

The Know-It-All

2011-03-27T21:33:00.004-05:00

Getting derailed is a normal part of life, especially so when tired or out of one's comfort zone. Knowing this enabled me to enjoy the incredible blessings of a Safari in spite of feeling off-center and hurt by some personal interactions.

Living happily requires tools and the skill to use them. I think most of us avoid that which we can, until we absolutely cannot any longer. I think that's a lot like not learning to drive a car and then when forced to drive in an emergency, winding up in a ditch. And, oh, how I wish I had known this years ago! :-)

But, it's never too late to learn skills. Specific relationships may end, but new ones follow and repeated behavior is never any less painful.

Overly simplified, but still excellent, is this from the Daily OM. If you have a Know-It-All in your life, the beginning is understanding:

A person that is a know-it-all is usually afraid of listening because it has become completely unfamiliar to listen.

Most of us have encountered a person in our lives who can accurately be referred to as a know-it-all. This person seems to know everything about anything that gets brought up and tends to dominate the conversation. They don’t take well to being questioned, and they have a hard time ever admitting that they were wrong.

Being around a know-it-all is inevitably tiring because there is no shared energy between the two of you. Rather, you become an audience member to this person’s need to be the center of attention. Attention and respect are probably the two things this person most longs for, and at some point in their lives, they learned that knowing it all was the way to get those needs met. Over time, they have become stuck in this pattern, regardless of the fact that it is no longer working. They may feel afraid of the experience of listening, being receptive, or learning something new, because it’s so unfamiliar.

On the one hand, when we see the childlike need underneath the know-it-all’s mask of confidence, we feel compassion for the person, and we may tolerate their one-sided approach to conversation out of a desire not to hurt their feelings. On the other hand, we may be feeling drained and tempted to avoid this person altogether.

In the middle of these two possible ways of feeling, we may actually like this person and wish for a closer relationship. If we come from a place of kindness, we might attempt to bridge the gap that this person’s habitual way of relating creates. Simply expressing a desire to be closer may open their heart, and give you a chance to ask for what you need in the relationship—a chance to contribute.

Oil For Your Lamp

2011-03-09T19:58:00.005-06:00

Though we know that that it's important to take care of our families, our pets, homes, and possessions, many of us have forgotten that we require the same level of loving attention. The more our focus is on others, the more we are likely to have overlooked ourselves.

But, where are we to find the time? This is like asking how we will ever find the time to put gas in our cars!:-)

http://www.oilyourlamp.com/miami

(This blog will be on vacation until the beginning of April.)

Our Story

2011-03-08T09:37:00.006-06:00

Your life begins the moment that you realize that you are not a product of what happens to you... that "what happens to you" is actually a product of what you personally create or accept from others as your own reality. Ingrid Vargas

Our story is what we tell ourselves and others, based on our own interpretation...the way we see things. If, for example, someone abused us verbally in the past, we can say that 1. We irritated people with our behavior, 2. There was much stress in our life, 3. We lived with a really bad person, 4. The person needed anger management....etc. etc. etc.....It's possible to have as many versions of the same happening as there are people. We choose our story.

Our happiness depends on how we choose to interpret what happens around us. Do your friends not enjoy talking with you or are they too busy to call you? In every case, you have a choice in the story you tell. Strive to tell a better one! :-)

David Krueger, MD has some good suggestions

	Repeat: Are you repeating an old story hoping for a better outcome?
	The software developed for past experiences shape current perception and processing. The brain perceives things in ways it has been trained to do. The challenge is twofold: we need regular software updates, much like our computer; we can only imagine within our current system.
	Rationalize: Do you dismiss or compromise any aspect of your life story?
	Warning signs include personal compromise, conflict with other people, limited success, unhappiness, or not being able to convert your talent into corresponding income.
	Recognize: Are your needs, ideals, passion, and talents all going in the same direction?
	If your life or business story is not satisfying, or if you haven't attained your objectives, look more closely: You are always reaching your goals, whether they are conscious or unconscious. It is helpful to know consciously and specifically what those goals are.
	Reorganize: Do all the storylines fit and advance the plot of your life story?
	Once becoming aware of active choice, you can decide what's in your best interest, what furthers your story. And what doesn't. Neuroscientist Gregory Berns examines the science of thinking differently—iconoclasts in particular—to emphasize how we need to put ourselves in new situations to see things differently and boost creativity.
	SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR CREATIVE STIMULATION: Be aware of the categories that you use for a person or idea - in order to go beyond or outside them. Seek out environments in which you have no experience. Bring together ideas from different disciplines. Engage a Mentor or Coach to challenge new ways of looking at things. PSYCH-K is an excellent technique with which to address unconscious beliefs. Follow intuition and gut feelings: write them down. Schedule an appointment with yourself to brainstorm: a stream of consciousness not bound by usual categories.

Crying, continued

2011-03-03T18:23:00.002-06:00

People with a history of trauma have been found to cry more. It's not known whether this is because the individual revisits their trauma or whether the trauma affected the nervous system or emotional make-up...something akin to post traumatic stress disorder.

People often refer to a cry as a good cry and say they feel better afterward. In a study of Dutch women, it was found that women scored high on depression or anxiety measures, they were likely to feel worse after crying.

If you aren't a crier yourself, you might feel awkward, useless, or uncomfortable around those who cry. That's because when someone cries, it shows their vulnerability. Not everyone is comfortable with such intimacy.

So, how can you -- and how should you -- respond to a crier? Here are four tips:

Be aware that if you do nothing, you can make the crier feel worse.
Try to do something supportive. What that is depends on the situation and how well you know the person.
Don't assume you know how to comfort them. The less intimate the relationship, the more it is appropriate to begin by asking how you can help and be supportive.

Too many tears can make observers uncomfortable, but never crying may not be mentally healthy. British psychiatrist Henry Maudsley, says, "The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep."

Understanding Crying

2011-02-27T11:08:00.007-06:00

The most common interpretations of crying are 'sadness' or 'manipulation'. But if that were true why are we so intensely uncomfortable with it?

Crying in public brings with it feelings of shame, and if we are the onlooker we are almost overwhelmed with confusion. Should we give comfort, be mad about the "inappropriateness", pretend we don't notice, or worry that the person is depressed? And, of course, as the onlooker, what we hate the most are our feelings of helplessness.

Crying does serve an emotional purpose, says Sideroff, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine. "It's a release. There is a buildup of energy with feelings."

It can also be a survival mechanism, notes Jodi DeLuca, PhD, a neuropsychologist at Tampa General Hospital in Florida. ''When you cry," she says, "it's a signal you need to address something." Among other things, it may mean you are frustrated, overwhelmed or even just trying to get someone's attention.

Crying may also have a biochemical purpose, releasing stress hormones or toxins from the body. And, yes....crying may be manipulative, a way of getting what you want.

People also cry in response to something of beauty. The word "melting" is a good description. They are letting go of their guard, their defenses....tapping into a place deep within themselves.

(To be continued)

Lessons

2011-02-24T19:23:00.006-06:00

Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. The purpose of denial is to protect us until we are strong enough to accept the lesson, but that is merely postponement.

It just keeps returning with new names, forms, and manifestations until we learn whatever it was to teach us about where we are separating ourselves from reality, how we are pulling back instead of opening up, closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter without hesitating or retreating into ourselves.

Honesty--Always the Best Policy

2011-02-19T17:42:00.000-06:00

Excuses may seem like rational reasons for us not to do something, but if we’re not careful we can allow them to keep us from reaching our goals. Too often we accept our excuses as reasons why we cannot accomplish what we set out to do, and instead of finding alternatives we give up.

Being honest with ourselves and taking responsibility for our choices helps us stay focused on our priorities and goals.

We may think it is kind to tell someone we are willing to do something with them, but then keep putting them off. This diverts our energy into keeping the truth at a distance while continuing a falsehood. But when we can take responsibility for our feelings and express them honestly, but gently, the other person is free to find someone who is better suited to accompany them while we are free to pursue the things we like. When we do this, our energy can be invested in building better lives and relationships.

There’s another way in which excuses rob us of energy—and that is in the power of our thoughts and words. If we find ourselves in a situation, for example, where we are being asked for a financial contribution but we use the excuse that we can’t afford it, we create and attract lack and limitation into our lives.

The same goes for seemingly simple things like pretending to not feel well. We may think that excuses make things easier, but they complicate matters with smokescreens. When we can commit to our priorities, take responsibility for our choices, and communicate them honestly to others, there will be no need to make excuses, and we will have much more energy to dedicate to all the things we love.

(Based on the Daily OM)

Life Begins When You Do

2011-02-16T14:34:00.002-06:00

Life Begins When You Do
by Mary Anne Radmacher

Nearly everyone postpones one grand thing or a collection of mighty hopes and dreams.

Between the quote marks of our lives are phrases like these: "When things slow down...when I finish my degree...when I get certified...as I acquire a deeper knowledge base...when I have kids...when the kids are grown...when I get well...when I marry...when I divorce...when I retire...when I get that promotion, that raise, that job, that house, that whatever the fill-in-the blank is for your specific postponing of life..."

Your Life Begins When You Do.

You may think you are postponing the longing of your soul until life aligns itself with your vision, until elements conspire to be more favorable...but as it happens, life just lolls along at the same remarkable consistent and disinterested cadence. Life is impartial. YOUR personal, subjective life (dreams, satisfactions, contentment, achievements, vision, fullness, passion, aspirations) begins when you begin.

From my teens into adulthood, I said, "I want to be an artist." One day I changed the sentence to, "I am an artist." My view changed. Life began. I looked behind me and saw that I had been accidentally living as an artist. I had been laying down a path that was only now visible to eyes that had begun to see. Beginning my life as an artist made my heart's longing and the small, tentative labors of my hands - visible and tangible. I began by opening the door and simply believing that I could live my dream. I began living that dream by seeing that I could.

Your purpose, that thing that among the many to-dos of your days, is what you must do. Embrace the truth of your purpose each minute of your precious life...for how very true it is that life begins when you do.

If you would dream it
BEGIN it.

If you have an idea
OPEN it.

If there is longing
ACKNOWLEDGE it.

If there is mission
COMMIT it.

If there is daring
DO it.

If there is love
SPEAK it.

If there is resource
USE it.

If there is abundance
SHARE it.

What's Important?

2011-02-13T19:16:00.002-06:00

This is one of the best videos I've seen. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I have.

http://www.facebook.com/chaska.peacock#!/video/video.php?v=10150097776725097&comments

Appreciating Impermanence

2011-02-07T09:35:00.003-06:00

I saw a cartoon in a recent New Yorker magazine in which two people were finishing their dinners at a Chinese restaurant and had just opened their fortune cookies. One fortune read, “You are going to die.”

If you let this fact sink in — that life is short, and we all die — it can actually act as a powerful motivating force to help maintain focus and priorities. Everything changes and is impermanent, so are we fully present and making the most of this fleeting moment? Are we fully aware of what we are doing? Appreciating impermanence clarifies priorities, and it helps us identify any frenetic, shallow and ineffective activities we’re being distracted by. We see clearly the things that exhaust us and distract us from experiencing the blessing and opportunity of each particular day.

In Zen practice it is often said that the span of our lives is like a dew drop on a leaf — beautiful, precious, and extremely short-lived. Life is remarkably unpredictable. Whatever you want to accomplish, whatever is important to you, do it, and do it now — with as much grace, intensity, and sense of ease as you can muster.

None of us knows what life will bring. In any moment everything we take for granted can change. We must be careful not to dwell on impermanence constantly, to the point that we become paralyzed with fear of loss, but we can use an awareness of change on a deep and wise level to focus our priorities and increase our appreciation of the sheer beauty of existence.

As life seems to be moving at an ever increasing pace, I believe it's important to schedule think/reflection time at the beginning or end of each day. This could be no more than silent, focused thoughtfulness over a cup of coffee, during a walk, or even while lying in bed.

In any case, commit to giving yourself this daily gift of a few moments to sit quietly and gather your thoughts. These can be some of the most pleasurable, precious, and practical moments of the day. They can help to reframe your focus and energy in unexpected ways.

Personal Power

2011-02-04T13:44:00.002-06:00

	Lao Tzu, famous Chinese philosopher living over 2500 years ago, stated that the biggest problem in the world is that individuals experience themselves as powerless. Powerless individuals feel helpless, negative, lethargic, frustrated, resentful, and often live in fear, enslaved by circumstances they perceive as beyond their control.
	The opposite of powerless is an inner awareness, an internal state of being , referred to as "personal power" in the emotional intelligence field.

	People with a highly developed sense of personal power have a quiet self-confidence that they can set the direction of their lives, and they do. They are able to distinguish among circumstances over which they have some control and those they do not. They define themselves from the inside out (for example, their internal self-talk includes messages like "I am a capable person, I can manage this setback, I'm good at managing conflict, I'm creative")
	The biggest barrier to success in almost any endeavor is powerlessness, negativity, helplessness and inertia. Mahatma Gandhi had no army, never held or accepted political office, never used violence. He was a small, frail man, yet he defeated the armed might of the British Empire, driving the British out of India without firing a single shot! Laura Besten It's possible to gain personal power through doing a lot of reading and applying (practice, practice, practice!) learned principles to daily life. Most of us, however, benefit greatly from working with a coach....better, yet, a series of coaches throughout one's life. This person might be a coaching professional or it could be simply a person who inspires you and is willing to share his/her knowledge with you.

How Do You Want To Feel?

2011-02-03T19:59:00.005-06:00

How do you want to feel today? You can create whatever feeling you choose, with your actions.

Your feelings are not imposed on you from the outside. They occur because you exercise strategies to make them occur. Yes, some of those strategies may include the way you choose to respond to events beyond your control. Yet it is the response, the chosen response within you, that creates the feeling, not the outside situation.

So how exactly do you wish to feel today? Then act like it. The actions you take will create the feelings you seek. If you want to feel happy, and empowered, and fulfilled, then go through the physical motions of being happy, empowered and fulfilled. It really is as simple as that. When you act like it, you are. (Ralph Marston) -

All Choices Count

2011-01-25T20:43:00.002-06:00

Every choice we make today, no matter how casually, will affect the choices available to us in the future, in, perhaps, far more pressing times. All of our choices count!

-An Excerpt from
The Butterfly Effect
by Andy Andrews

Not long ago, I finally told the story of when, at the age of twenty-three, homeless and scared, I was given guidance in a most unusual fashion by an old man named Jones. What the old man told me did nothing less than change my life and my future. He said..."With a little perspective you can live a life of permanent purpose."

When I asked what he meant, the old man answered with a question. "Do you sometimes find yourself unconsciously judging your actions by level of importance?" I frowned a bit, not certain I understood. "For instance, "he continued, "the time you spend with friends is important, but the time you spend with family, is more important. You might rank an hour fishing as very important, thirty minutes visiting a sick friend in the hospital much more important than the fishing, and a sixty second conversation with a convenience store clerk as not very important at all."

"When you know that everything matters - that every move counts as much as any other - you will begin living a life of permanent purpose. A life of permanent purpose will make you a better parent, a better spouse, and a more valuable friend. Your productivity and financial success will soar to new heights while the old days of uncertainty, doubt, and depression fade into the past."

Simply put, when we understand that every action matters, every result of our actions immediately improves!

Just Say YES

2011-01-21T09:37:00.003-06:00

When we say yes to the universe, we enter into a state of trust that whatever our situation is, we can work with it. We express confidence in ourselves, and the universe, and we also express a willingness to learn from whatever comes our way, rather than running and hiding when we don’t like what we see.

The question we might ask ourselves is what it will take for us to get to the point of saying yes. For some of us, it takes coming up against something we can’t ignore, escape, or deny, and so we are left no choice but to say yes. For others, it just seems a natural progression of events that leads us to making the decision to say yes to life. The first step to saying yes is realizing that in the end it is so much easier than the alternative.

Once we understand this, we can begin examining the moments when we resist what is happening, and experiment with occasionally saying yes instead. It might be scary at first, and even painful at times, but if we continue to say yes to every moment through the process, we will discover the joy of being in a positive conversation with a force much bigger than ourselves. from *The Daily OM"

To paraphrase Byron Katie, "It hurts too much when we argue with what IS, rather than accepting it." Since I had been taught to change what I didn't like, this concept used to confuse me. Now I know that we must fully see and accept what IS before we can set about living life differently.

Happy Relationships

2011-01-19T19:34:00.001-06:00

The Law of Attraction Assembles Happy Relationships...

Asking your relationship with any other to be the basis of buoying you up is never a good idea, because the Law of Attraction cannot bring to you something different from the way you feel. The Law of Attraction cannot bring you a well-balanced, happy person if you are not yourself already that.

The Law of Attraction, no matter what you do or say, will bring to you those who predominantly match the person who you predominantly are. Everything that everyone desires is for one reason only: they believe they will feel better in the having of it. We just want you to understand that you must feel better before it can come to you. **Abraham-Hicks**

Control

2011-01-14T10:03:00.002-06:00

You can find yourself in an endless loop where you explain that you feel negative because of the negative behavior of someone else. But if, instead, you take control of your own emotions and you think an improved thought because it feels better to do so, you will discover that no matter how the negative trend got started, you can turn it around. You have no real control of what anyone else is doing with their Vibration (or with their actions, for that matter), but you have complete control over your own thoughts, Vibrations, emotions, and point of attraction.

--- Abraham

The fastest, surest way to peace and joy is to give up the idea that we have, or should have, control over others.

A Matter of Priorities

2011-01-07T14:29:00.002-06:00

When we stop worrying about unimportant matters we can devote more to what is truly important.

We experience numerous disappointments each and every day. Our expectations go unmet, our plans are blocked by circumstance, our wishes go unfulfilled, and we discover that our lives are subject to a myriad of forces beyond our conscious control.

In some cases, our response is powerful because we must invest ourselves and our resources to overcome genuine hardship. In others, our reactions are far more passionate than our circumstances warrant. The tension that permeates our bodies and minds when we are late for an event, interrupted at work, or sitting in traffic is not inappropriate, but it can interfere with our well-being in profound ways. When we stop worrying about relatively unimportant matters, we can be at peace and devote so much more of ourselves to what is truly important.

The small frustrations and irritations wield such power over us because they rob us of the illusion of control. But every problem is a potential teacher—a confusing situation is an opportunity to practice mindfulness, and difficult people provide us with opportunities to display compassion.

We have the tendency to invest emotional energy in minor dilemmas and frustrations in order to avoid confronting those more complex issues that are largely outside the realm of our control. The intensity of our response provides us with a temporary sense of personal power that helps us cope with challenges that might otherwise overwhelm us. But it is only when we let the little stuff go that we discover that the big stuff is not really so devastating after all.

In the stress of a singularly tense incident, differentiating between an inconsequential annoyance and a legitimate challenge can seem a monumental task. Ask yourself whether the emotions you are feeling will be as vivid in a year, a day, or even an hour. With practice you can have more control over your reactions. You can do this on your own or seek the assistance of a professional.

(Based on the Daily OM)

Happy New Year!

2011-01-03T12:13:00.005-06:00

This year, anticipate a world at peace. Expect health, abundance, and love in your life and in the lives of all others. Happy New Year!

(Dr. Wayne Dyer)

Expectations have been on my mind this past week. (My Christmas was disappointing) I knew there was a lesson in this and I've come to the conclusion that our expectations......being able to envision an occasion so perfectly that we can smell it and feel it....are no guarantee of anything, except, perhaps, disappointment.

Our expectations cannot be for others....only for ourselves. When our expectations are about the behavior of others, all bets are off.

We have no control over others. Our expectations can only be for ourselves. Make it "I am healthy, happy, living in love and abundance" Period. It's "I am peaceful. I think peaceful thoughts. My actions are peaceful."

"Be the change you want to see in the world" is practical advice because we are in control only of ourselves. I believe that the more we are able to let go of our expectations for others, the happier we will be ourselves. This is the goal I have for myself this year!

Connecting to Our Center

2010-12-21T13:19:00.005-06:00

You may have heard "Prayer is asking God for something; Meditation is listening to God." Whether you believe you are listening to God or tuning into your own inner voice is not the point.
Getting quiet enough to hear is.

There are many ways to meditate that do not involve sitting on a cushion cross legged. It's about "being", rather than "doing"....connecting to our center.

Listening to music
Walking along the beach
Taking a warm bubble bath
Reading a great book
Listening to wind chimes
Watching candles glow
Listening to the silence

Spending time at a bookstore
Watching the sunrise
Watching the sunset
Having a massage
Watching our cat sleep
Knitting or hand sewing
Free-style writing

If you have been an on-the-go/can't stand things quiet type/must multi task kind of person, this may be difficult at first, but each time becomes just a bit easier. As you become more grounded...or centered...you will find that all the things you thought you HAD to do were either illusion, or you will do them easily.

Cats Don't Fly

2010-12-19T19:52:00.003-06:00

It's easy to take cats (and dogs) pretty much at face value. We do not expect them to fly no matter how much they love us or want to please us. It just is not going to happen.

I think it would be a more peaceable...and happier... world if we could find acceptance of humans as just as they are. I don't think we have to necessarily LIKE of of their traits....only to ACCEPT them.

Entering into a relationship with someone we want to change is dishonest and controlling....and, usually futile. Also, we miss the opportunity of learning and growing from different viewpoints another has to offer. By wanting to give another person a makeover, we are basically saying we don’t accept them for who they are. An honest relationship is one in which we accept each other as whole individuals, sharing our life experiences, as well as our different viewpoints, with each other.

Though we do have the power to give ourselves a makeover, it's important that we be reasonable and kind. We, like cats, won't be sprouting wings and flying.

Law of Attraction

2010-12-12T11:52:00.003-06:00

You will notice that those who speak most of prosperity, have it. Those who speak most of health, have it. Those who speak most of sickness, have it.

Those who speak most of poverty, have it. It is Law. It can be no other way... The way you feel is your point of attraction, and so, the Law of Attraction is most understood when you see yourself as a magnet getting more and more of the way you feel.

When you feel lonely, you attract more loneliness. When you feel poor, you attract more poverty. When you feel sick, you attract more sickness. When you feel unhappy, you attract more unhappiness. When you feel healthy and vital and alive and prosperous—you attract more of all of those things. **Abraham-Hicks**

There's really nothing mysterious about this. Reality is fluid, depending on where you place your focus. This is not to say that it's necessarily easy. Still, it's so worth it to discipline ourselves to always find and concentrate on the bright side of everything. Anything you can imagine, you can have!

Judgment

2010-12-06T21:01:00.004-06:00

“If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.” ~ Einstein

About Money

2010-12-05T11:46:00.003-06:00

When we have problems we tend to obsess about them....perhaps because we think we can solve them by thinking about them. But, have you noticed how things have a way of easing when we "let go"? Whether you view this as "Letting go and letting God" or "The law of attraction" the result is the same: Resolution to the problem.

You do not have to have money to attract money, but you cannot feel poor and attract money. The key is, you have to find ways of improving the way you feel from right where you stand before things can begin to change.

By softening your attention to the things that are going wrong, and by beginning to tell stories that lean more in the direction of what you want instead of in the direction of what you have got, your vibration will shift; your point of attraction will shift—and you will get different results.

(Abraham-Hicks)

Giving Thanks

2010-11-25T12:37:00.003-06:00

I would like to see Thanksgiving not be so much about eating, as a day declared for expressing gratitude.....a reminder of the many blessings in our lives. Perhaps, this would open our awareness of the smallest "things".

Right now I am watching my cat sleeping, his long legs stretched out toward me, showing me his sweet pink paw pads. I am about to get up and go into the kitchen where I have a choice of wonderful foods. It's an overcast day outside, but I am warm and comfortable inside with lights and music. A shower of perfectly controlled temperature awaits me. I could go on and on! In fact, happiness depends on the recognition and appreciation of all the good things in our lives.

Yes, this can be a challenge at times, but even in the most dire circumstances, there is always something good, something worthy of our thanks.

Allowing or Resisting

2010-11-22T20:04:00.003-06:00

Many people are approaching life from the flawed premise that if they work hard and struggle long and pay a big enough price, they will then be rewarded with financial well-being. And since they do not realize that in their struggle they are denying themselves alignment with the abundance they seek, when the abundance does not come, they attribute it to luck or favoritism that is being directed away from them and toward another.

But there is no luck or favoritism. There is only allowing or resisting, letting in or keeping out the abundance that you deserve.

As you gradually train your own thoughts into those of positive expectation, as you align with thoughts of worthiness and Well-Being, as you align with your true power by seeking good-feeling thoughts—you will no longer offer resistance to your own abundance.

And when your resistance stops, your abundance will come. A flood of good-feeling ideas and possibilities will flow to you. Opportunities and propositions will be plentiful. And soon you will stand in knowing amusement that all of this was always there within your reach, but in your resistant state of attraction, you were not yet able to experience it . . . but then, it came—not because of your struggle but because of your ease. **Abraham**

"Do what you love....The money will come" was a popular belief in the eighties. I, personally, found this to be untrue in so many ways that I can't go into it here. I know it is possible...and common....to love doing something, but still resist it. It's necessary to be 100% aligned with it! How hard is it for a fish to swim downstream?

Ageless Body, Ageless Mind

2010-11-15T19:20:00.004-06:00

Aging Is Rooted in being STUCK...Every experience leaves a residue in your cells. That's because your body's version of being happy or sad, angry or loving, agitated or at peace comes down to chemistry. It takes a chemical reaction in your brain before you can register any experience. Every cell can clear out old experiences as easily as breathing. If you let the old be breathed out, you will be fresh and open to new experiences, which is a perfect definition of being young. Being stuck brings fatigue, staleness, habit, ritual and the repetition of outworn beliefs. When you get unstuck, life flows like water.

A River Never Ages because it flows. Your body is also a river, constantly changing. The direction of change is up to you. As long as you keep growing, change will move forward. As long as there is forward motion, stagnation is impossible. The key is entirely in your awareness. One person can faithfully attend the gym but be miserable inside. Another can take a stroll in the sunshine in a happy frame of mind. Which one do you think is remaining youthful?

Ultimately, an ageless body depends on a timeless mind (I think somebody once said that). The mystery of immortality can be solved this very minute if you decide to. All it takes is a willingness to find the part of you that is timeless already. That part is the still, silent realm of meditation. In meditation, you allow your mind to find its truth, and that truth is beyond time. By truth I mean what is truly real. **Deepak Chopra**

Your Relationship to Time

2010-11-09T12:24:00.004-06:00

To open up the path to the timeless, here is a guide that can alter your life.

Where the Mind Goes, the Body Must Follow

Almost everyone has heard of the mind-body connection. But they often reduce it to simple notions about positive thinking or "You're only as old as you think you are." In reality, everywhere your mind goes, your body must follow. It's not a choice. Through a flood of chemical messengers, every thought you have is sent to your body. Therefore, your mind is playing the major role in aging. The good news is that it can play the major role in reversing aging.

Memory Freezes Time

Memory is how we hold on to the past. This means that a toxic memory is the same as a toxic experience being repeated over and over. Regret, hostility, anxiety, insecurity all depend upon trying to relive the past and change it. Therefore, memory blocks the flow of life in the present. If you are fully alive, you will remain young. The past is dead. There is no life there, even when you dwell on a happy past. Your body wants to be alive here and now. To give it that gift, bring your awareness to the here and now (Deepak Chopra)

To be continued....

Facing Fears

2010-11-01T19:56:00.003-05:00

The things we don't want to look at in ourselves are the very things we need to look at.

The feelings that make us want to run away are buried treasure full of energy and inspiration if we are willing to look. These feelings come in many forms, from strange images or snippets of information to recurring dreams and feelings that rise up seemingly without a reason. Whatever shape they come in, and no matter how scary they seem, these messengers bring the information we need in order to grow.

When we are tired of pushing something down, or trying to run away from it, a good first step is to write down what we think we are avoiding. Often this turns out to be only the surface of the issue or a symbol of something else. Expressing ourselves fully on paper is a safe way to begin exploring the murky territory of the unconscious. The coolness of the intellect can give us the distance we need to read what we have written and feel less afraid of it.

It helps if we remember that no matter how dark or negative our thoughts or feelings may be, these are energies shared by all humanity. (We are not anywhere near as "different" as we think!)

Within the parts of ourselves that we don't want to look at, there are emotions that need to be felt. Unfelt emotions are stuck energy, and when we leave emotions unprocessed, we deprive ourselves of access to that energy. When we feel strong enough, we can begin the process of feeling those emotions, on our own or with guidance from a spiritual counselor. (The Daily OM)

When we dare look at our fears...exposing them to daylight....they vanish, and we grow stronger.

Programming the Self

2010-10-30T13:33:00.005-05:00

I love quotes because they are quick to read and even when I can't recall most of them, they are tucked away in my brain.

Sometimes quickly, but most often gradually, the concepts jell and become part of who I am. Each step of the way, I am "programming" myself into a more positive person, resulting in my happiness. It's because I want to share my process....in the hope that I can bring some light to others.....that I write this blog. There are times I falter, but I won't give up. :-)

Here is one of my favorites from Abraham-Hicks:

We would like you to reach the place where you're not willing to listen to people criticize one another… where you take no satisfaction from somebody being wrong… where it matters to you so much that you feel good, that you are only willing to think positive things about people…you are only willing to look for positive aspects; you are only willing to look for solutions, and you are not willing to beat the drum of all of the problems of the world.

A Meditation

2010-10-04T20:09:00.002-05:00

Take a moment to step out of the "turmoil" and see beyond the present situation as it is presenting itself to you. Always remember to look beyond what you see with your physical eyes and see from the highest viewpoint that you can attain.

Do not get stuck in what you perceive to be "problems" and their relationship to your life as Spirit. The challenges that present themselves to you on a daily basis are not to be looked upon as "bad" things but opportunities for growth. Be grateful for these lessons and allow them to move through your life constantly.

Resonate with the energy of the winds as they blow to you and through you. The Wind is never stuck in one place for any length of time. Imagine for a moment trying to attach your selves to any one "place" if you were the wind. It is an impossible task. It is similar to you trying to attach your self to the notion that anything is permanent on the journey of the Soul.

If there is turmoil in any area of your life at this time, know that it will not be there "forever," whatever forever may be. Allow your Self to see from this higher perspective and move through this supposed turmoil with the energy of the Wind…

Adopt an attitude of gratitude for the gift of being present during these momentous times on the planet. Release all that does not resonate with the beauty of this life you lead. Cleanse your Self of any unwanted beliefs or attitudes that hinder your own personal growth and acceptance of life as it is at this moment. The expression of the energies of gratitude, peace and joy, at all times, will undoubtedly assist in magically dispelling any turmoil in your life now.

Effects of Kindness

2010-09-30T16:27:00.002-05:00

The positive effect of kindness on the immune system and on the increased production of serotonin in the brain has been proven in research studies. Serotonin is a naturally occurring substance in the body that makes us feel more comfortable, peaceful, and even blissful.

In fact, the role of most anti-depressants is to stimulate the production of serotonin chemically, helping to ease depression. Research has shown that a simple act of kindness directed toward another improves the functioning of the immune system and stimulates the production of serotonin in both the recipient of the kindness and the person extending the kindness.

Even more amazing is that persons observing the act of kindness have similar beneficial results. Imagine this! Kindness extended, received, or observed beneficially impacts the physical health and feelings of everyone involved! (Wayne Dyer)

Sometimes, when we cannot manage more, just making eye contact with someone and smiling is enough. It's not about how much we give, but about giving what we can.

Living With Intention

2010-09-15T17:39:00.008-05:00

The quality of our lives begins with our intentions. Our intentions form our thoughts, our thoughts shape our actions, and our actions create our lives

Living intentionally means:

creating a vision for our lives,
acting deliberately, in alignment with our stated goals, values and priorities,
taking the time to focus, recharge, breathe, meditate, and feel gratitude,
pausing to experience life and all its joys, love and wonders.

Without clear intention, our energy is scattered and our actions are less powerful.

(Dr. Laura Belsten)

Quick story:: Carol is a renowned artist living in the mountains of Colorado, and her studio is a charming old cabin which sits behind her home, nestled in the woods. It’s heated with a wood stove.

When she first started using her studio cabin, Carol found the wood stove unable to keep the temperature to a comfortable level. She liked having the woodstove and the ambiance it created in her studio, and they certainly had plenty of wood on their mountain property, so she began researching more efficient wood stoves and found the perfect one. The price tag, however, was a hefty $1,500.

Carol set her intention to find that wood stove for half that price. She posted a picture of the wood stove in her workspace and began checking online auction and advertising sites regularly. She also put her intention out in conversations with neighbors, community members, builders and remodelers. She even checked the want ads in the local paper.

Within three months, Carol found the exact model of wood stove she wanted, still new, in the box, for $750. A couple had purchased it for their basement, but then decided to move. They had never installed it, and wanted to re-coup some of their expense, and Carol was willing to pay $750.

Carol’s studio is now toasty warm and comfortable even on the snowiest Colorado days.

This is a very simple example of the power of intention, of course, and yet it illustrates how intentions can pull us forward, improving the quality of our lives.

*****

If you have not tried this, it may sound far-fetched. But, I can personally vouch for the fact that this is exactly how things work in my life!

What's It All About?

2010-09-03T09:55:00.003-05:00

This is one of my favorite quotes from Abraham-Hicks.

You never get it done, and you cannot get it wrong. Life is supposed to be fun: you are creator, you are a focusing mechanism, and you are here in an environment that is very conducive to that.

When you get hold of an idea, play it out for the pleasure in it. If you are doing it for any other reason, then you are not connecting to your Source Energy.

Perception

2010-08-23T21:33:00.001-05:00

If you are feeling a shortage of time or money, your best effort would be to focus upon better-feeling thoughts, and do more things that make you feel good. Your time is a perceptual thing, and even though the clock is ticking the same for everyone, your alignment affects your perception, as well as the results that you allow.

As you observe the enormous differences in the effort that people apply and the results they achieve, you have to conclude that there is more to the equation of achieving than action alone.

**Abraham-Hicks**

Creating Magic

2010-08-22T11:05:00.005-05:00

Somewhere along the way you began to doubt your ability to create magic for yourself. Never doubt that being able to walk from the perspective of a crawler is truly a miracle.

You lost the ability to extend that belief to new and more 'impossible' miracles. You began to buy into the misbeliefs of those around you who were 'many limits' people, who said, 'You must learn your limitations.' Or, ' You can't do that.' Or, ' You are just like your father, and he couldn't do those things either.' The list was endless, and so too became the limitations.

To recapture that childhood magic and become your own miracle worker, you will have to change the thoughts that created your world of limits and boundaries. That takes place in your mind first, and since thoughts originate with you, you have the ability to re-create your own image of what your life is going to be from now on. Why not include the presence of real magic in your life as well? **Wayne Dyer**

Baby Steps

2010-08-16T10:50:00.002-05:00

Some of the biggest, most positive and enduring accomplishments are the result of small efforts repeated again and again. There is enormous, nearly unstoppable power in those small efforts when they're focused consistently in the same direction. Tiny, soft water droplets will eventually wear smooth the hardest of stones. So too will small, positive efforts eventually yield big and valuable results.

Your thoughts and actions in the smallest, most seemingly insignificant moments truly matter. They matter very much more than they would seem. For it is in those small, ordinary moments that extraordinary accomplishments are built. It is in the actual living that a life of distinction, success and fulfillment is achieved.

Though you may only move a few inches at a time, those small steps, taken one after another, will eventually put you miles and miles ahead. See the value and real opportunity in each small moment, because those small moments are indeed what combine to make a big and magnificent life. (Ralph Marston)

Law of Attraction

2010-07-30T19:08:00.005-05:00

You will notice that those who speak most of prosperity, have it. Those who speak most of health, have it. Those who speak most of sickness, have it. Those who speak most of poverty, have it. It is Law. It can be no other way...

The way you feel is your point of attraction, and so, the Law of Attraction is most understood when you see yourself as a magnet getting more and more of the way you feel. When you feel lonely, you attract more loneliness. When you feel poor, you attract more poverty. When you feel sick, you attract more sickness. When you feel unhappy, you attract more unhappiness. When you feel healthy and vital and alive and prosperous - you attract more of all of those things. (Abraham-Hicks)

The other day I went to my neighborhood herb/vitamin store which is owned by two nutritionists. The moment I entered, I wanted to turn around and leave...Yes, the negative energy was that strong. One of the owners asked if she could help me find something and on hearing my answer, she pointed to a shelf location. I asked whether the powder was water soluble and she said she didn't know. With that curt response, she turned around and walked away, leaving me standing alone in an empty store. I left as quickly as I could. If the owner's curtness was due to business being slow.....it is not about to get any better. Approaching anything from a place of lack never works. If that were my store, I would look for quick and easy solutions to begin with......SMILE, and play some wonderful, soft music. Dressing cheerfully would be better than the black she was wearing......Begin where you can, and as your spirits lift, so will the circumstances.

Living With Intention

2010-07-25T14:23:00.001-05:00

Our minds are incredibly powerful. We put that power to work for us when we consciously set an intention to be or do something. Get into the practice of consciously setting an intention for every activity in which you are involved.

Your intention might support efficiency – for example, to complete a job or project by a specific time. Your intention might support your personal growth, e.g., to undertake a task that scares you. Or it might support more soul connection, e.g., to see beauty in the chaos of your day.

When we make an effort to set an intention, no matter how trivial it may appear, we are taking the time to choose what we want for ourselves. And clearly, this is essential for our growth – to actively, thoughtfully choose what we want for ourselves.

Having The Same Experiences

2010-07-22T18:34:00.002-05:00

Expectations of how something is going to play out is a warning signal to me. If I can manage to be aware enough to catch my thoughts at this stage, and change those thoughts, the outcome is amazingly better!

It's not easy to believe that we control what happens to us. It needs to be experienced over and over. I think it's fun!

There may be times in our lives when it seems like we keep having the same kinds of experiences. The situation or the people involved may be different each time, yet one experience may feel exactly like the last one and the one before that one.

Perhaps we left a job where we were unhappy and we find ourselves experiencing similar challenges in our new job. A relationship with a new romantic partner may start to seem a lot like our old relationship and the problems that we thought we had left behind.\

We may feel disappointed or frustrated and wonder why the same situations and people keep showing up in our lives. The truth is that the same kinds of experiences don’t keep happening to us. After all, the circumstances and the people involved are always different.

Subconsciously, there is great value to be had in experiencing life in the same ways until we are ready to have different experiences. Perhaps we feel unworthy of happiness, or worry that we can’t get a break. Our experiences tend to reflect what we believe about life. After all, most of us don’t like to be proven wrong. We may even derive satisfaction in being right or experience a sense of safety every time we confirm to ourselves that know the way the world works.

We may choose a relationship partner who is very different from our last significant other and hope that this time love will turn out differently. Yet as long as we hold whatever beliefs we have that limit the good we can experience in our relationships, we will create the same dynamic of limited happiness with any partner.

We bring ourselves and our beliefs to every situation. Change those thoughts, those beliefs to be more in keeping with what you really want.

***The Daily OM***

21 Ways to Stay in Peace

2010-07-16T10:13:00.003-05:00

16. Asking for What You Want - Giving Yourself What You Want

Ask for what you want, even though it may feel bold or awkward. People don't know what you want until you ask them. The act of asking is a validation of the awareness that you deserve to have what you want. If others are unable or unwilling to accommodate your request, give it to yourself.

17. Awareness of You

Recognize that the one in front of you is you. Beyond all appearances
and personalities is the essence of goodness, which is you. Remembering your presence in all form will bring you immediately into the present moment, in awe of the fullness therein. The person before you will become an opportunity to know yourself. The heart overflows with love and gratitude, humbly saying, "Oh yes, this person or situation is here for me to learn about who I am."

18. Self Gratitude

For a simple twenty-four hours, stop looking outside yourself for validation. On the other side of that you become the experience of gratitude.

19. The Vanity Mirror

If you want to see who you are not, look in the mirror. Use the mirror once a day only. Who would you be without your mirror?

20. Beyond Justification

Begin to notice how often you explain or justify yourself, your words, actions, decisions, etc. Who are you trying to convince? And what is the story you are perpetuating? Become aware of your use of the word "because" or "but" when you speak. Stop your sentence immediately. Begin again. Justification is an attempt to manipulate the other person; decide to be still and know, and BE CAUSE.

**********

The other day I found myself uncustomarily upset. I don't mean that I don't get upset any longer.....I just don't get VERY upset. I reached for Byron Katie's The Work, and did come to what felt like a magic turn-around. Fantastic, I thought!

Only a few hours later, I found myself back at the beginning. The Work didn't have staying power.....and, so it is. It has to be done over and over on each issue. Not only have we been practicing "our ways" a long time and need to learn new skills in order to change, but there's the unconscious programmed mind! I am newly excited about Psych-K! It is a faster, deeper method for effecting change.

21 Ways to Stay in The Peace, part 2

2010-07-11T19:50:00.006-05:00

8. Reporting to Yourself

This exercise can help in healing fear and terror. Practice reporting events to yourself as if a circumstance you find yourself in is actually a news story and you are the roving reporter. Announce exactly what your surroundings are and what's happening "on the scene" at that very moment.

Fear is always the result of projecting a re-creation of the past into the now or the future. If you find yourself fearful, find the core belief and inquire: "Is this really true that I need to be fearful in this situation? What is actually happening right now, physically? Where is my body (hands, arms, feet, legs, head)? What do I see (trees, walls,windows, sky)?" Impersonalizing our stories gives us an opportunity to look at circumstances more objectively, and choose our responses to what life brings.

9. Literal Hearing

Practice listening to others in the most literal sense, believing exactly what they say, and do your best to resist falling into your own interpretations about the information they share with you. For example, someone might compliment you on how beautiful you are, and you interpret that as an implication that the person has ulterior motives. Our interpretations of what we hear people say to us are often far more painful or frightening than what people actually say.

We can hurt ourselves with our misconceptions and our thinking for others. Try trusting that what they say is exactly what they mean: not more, not less. Hear people out. Catch yourself when you want to finish a sentence for someone either aloud or in your mind. Listen. It can be amazing to hear what comes out when we allow others to complete their thoughts without interruption. And, when we are busy thinking we know what they are about to say, we are missing what they are actually saying.

You might want to consider these questions: "What can be threatened if I listen and hear literally? Do I interrupt because I don't want to really know what they have to say? Do I interrupt to convince them I know more than they do? Am I attempting to portray an image of self- confidence and control? Who would I be without the need to possess those qualities? Is there a fear of appearing unintelligent? Would people leave me if I heard them literally, and no longer engage in manipulative games?"

10. Speaking Honestly and Literally

Speak literally. Say what you mean without justification, without any desire to manipulate, and without concern about how another may interpret your words. Practice not being careful. Experience the freedom this brings.

11. Watching the Play

See yourself in a balcony, watching your favorite drama about you and what distresses you. Watch the story on the stage below. Notice how you have seen this drama performed hundreds, perhaps thousands of times. Watch this until you find yourself becoming bored. The performers are having to exaggerate their parts to keep your attention. Notice when you get honest with your boredom, you get up from your seat, leave the balcony, exit the playhouse and step outside.

Always know you can re-visit. Who would you be without your story?

12. Watching a Second Version of the Play

Write your story from the eyes and mind of another. Write as many different versions with as many different outcomes as you like. Notice what you notice.

13. Exercising Polarity

If you find yourself dwelling on a negative thought, practice going to the opposite positive extreme or polarity. When you catch yourself slipping back into negativity, choose again to return to the positive polarity and be present with your conscious choice; feel the truth of it. There is only love, and what doesn't appear as love is a disguised call for love. It is your birthright to live in the positive polarity of love and truth.

14. Self Loving Process

Make a list of everything you love about someone and share it with them. Then, give yourself everything that is on the list. You may also recognize that what you love about someone else is just as true of you. Then allow the fullness of it to be expressed in your life.

15. Coming from Honesty

Practice moving and responding honestly. Laugh, cry, scream, and speak as it is genuinely true for you in each moment. Be a child again; act in full integrity with your feelings. Don't let beliefs compromise your integrity. For example, practice leaving a room honestly without manipulating those you leave behind with a polite excuse. Live your truth without explaining yourself. (continued)

21 Ways to Stay in the Peace

2010-07-09T19:18:00.004-05:00

The following are simple, yet powerful practices from Byron Katie that offer new ways of looking at life circumstances, and in that, create new
possibilities for making choices that will bring you into greater alignment with the best in you.

1. Reversing your HASTY Judgments

Practice noticing when you judge or criticize someone or something. For example, in a grocery store line, you might be impatient and think the person in front of you is disorganized and rude. Quickly turn your judgment around and ask yourself: "Is it just as true about me? Am I rude? (Am I rude sometimes; to others - or to myself?) Am I being rude inside of me when I think they are rude?"

This exercise takes your attention off the "other" and places your attention on you. Forgiveness naturally results. Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience; taking responsibility
for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.

Remember, beyond the appearance of who it is you are looking at, it is always God disguised, standing in front of you so that you can know yourself. Reversing judgments allows complete forgiveness. Forgiveness leads to awareness of one's self, and reestablishes personal integrity.

2. The Three Kinds of Business

Notice when you hurt that you are mentally out of your business. If you're not sure, stop and ask, "Mentally, whose business am I in?"

There are only three kinds of business in the universe, mine, yours, and God's. Simple! Whose business is it if an earthquake happens? God's business. Whose business is it if your neighbor down the street has an ugly lawn? Your neighbor's business. Whose business is it if you are angry at your neighbor down the street because they have an ugly lawn? Your business.

Life is simple, it is internal. So, count, in five minute intervals, how many times you are in someone else's business mentally. Notice when you give uninvited advice or offer your opinion about something (aloud or silently). Ask yourself: "Am I in their business? Did they ask me for my advice?" And more importantly, "Can I take the advice I am offering and apply it to my life?"

3. Being in Nobody's Business

After working with the practice of staying out of others' business, try to stay out of your own business as well. Hold lightly whatever you think you know about yourself. "I am contained within this physical body. Is it really true? Can I really know that it's true? What do I get by holding that belief?" There is a widespread belief that we are our bodies, and we will die. "Who would I be without the belief?"

4. "Detaching" from Your Body/Your Story

Try speaking about yourself, for a period of time, in third person, rather than as I or me. Instead of saying, "I'm going to lunch", say "She's going to lunch", referring to yourself), or "This one is going to lunch." Do this with a friend for an hour, the afternoon, or the entire day. Eliminate the use of all personal pronouns (I, me, we). Refer to yourself and the other in third person. For example, "How is that one (or this one) today? Does he want to go to the park?" Experience impersonally the body, the stories and the preferences which you think you are.

5. Speaking in the Present Tense

Become mindful of how often your conversations focus on the past or future. Be aware of the verbs you use: was, did, will, are going to, etc. To speak of the past in the present is to reawaken and recreate it fully in the present, if only in our minds, and then we are lost to what is present for us now. To speak of the future is to create and live with what is but a fantasy in our minds. If you want to experience fear, think of the future. If you want to experience shame and guilt, think of the past.

6. Doing the Dishes

"Doing the dishes" is a practice of learning to love the action that is in front of you. Your inner voice or intuition guides you all day long to do simple things such as doing the dishes, driving to work or sweeping the floor. Allow the sanctity of simplicity. Listening to your inner voice and then acting on its suggestions with implicit trust creates a life that is more graceful, effortless and miraculous.

7. Listening to the Voice of the Body

The body is the voice of your mind, and it speaks to you in physical movement as muscular contractions - as twitches, twinges, tickles and tension, just to name a few. Become aware of how often you move away from peace or stillness. Practice stillness and let your body speak to you of where your mind contracts, no matter how subtle the flickering contraction may be. When you notice a sensation, inquire within, "What situation or contracted thought is triggering this physical
sensation? Am I out of alignment with my integrity in this circumstance, and if so, where? Am I willing to let go of this belief or thought that causes my body to contract?" Listen and allow the answers to guide you, and return to the peace and clarity within. (continued)

It Isn't New

2010-07-02T14:17:00.003-05:00

'If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due
to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have
the power to revoke at any moment.'
- Marcus Aurelius

Nothing I post is new. I am constantly surprised and amazed just how far back our supposedly current ideas go. :-) We humans are slow learners.

Don't Tell It Like It Is!

2010-06-29T18:14:00.005-05:00

We practice the Art of Allowing. Which means reaching for the thought that feels best, not the thought that is the real thought, not the thought that is telling it like it is.

Telling it like it is only holds you where it is: "Damn it, I'm going to tell it like it is. I'm going to tell it like it is, because everybody wants me to tell it like it is." Tell it like it is if you like it like it is.

But if you don't like it like it is, then don't tell it like it is--tell it like you want it to be. If you tell it like you want it to be, long enough, you will begin to feel it like you want it to be, and when you feel it like you want it to be, it be's like you want it to be. ~~Abraham-Hicks

This is a version of seeing and describing the glass as half full. Supposing it had been drizzling rain on the day I photographed the above irises. When remembering the day or describing it to others, I could have remembered being damp, the humidity or concern over my camera. Or I could have delighted in the very happy looking flowers I saw and had the opportunity to photograph on a softly lit overcast day.

This takes much practice...or at least it has for me because I have spent most of my life "telling it as it is" ...but it's so worth it!

You Are Stronger Than You Believe

2010-06-27T17:15:00.006-05:00

Our capacity to cope successfully with life's challenges far outstrips our capacity to feel nervousness. Yet in the time leading up to an event that we believe will test our limits, we often feel extremely anxious and stressed.

We are almost always stronger and more capable than we believe ourselves to be. Anxiety does not abate with reasoning out, so if you can't "turn it over", engage your mind with other things to take the focus off what is producing the anxiety.

When we concentrate on something unrelated to our worry—such as deep breathing, visualizations of success, pleasurable pursuits, or exercise—anxiety dissipates naturally. Meditation is also a useful coping mechanism as it provides us with a means to ground ourselves in the moment.
(Based on the Daily OM)

It's important to give yourself full credit for your accomplishments, especially those which you most feared. You may never lose feeling anxiety or the flight or fight response, but by recognizing the strong person that you really are, each thing which you see as a hurdle will become easier.

No Guilt!

2010-06-16T15:28:00.003-05:00

It is not your role to make others happy; it is your role to keep yourself in balance.

When you pay attention to how you feel and practice self-empowering thoughts that align with who-you-really-are, you will offer an example of thriving that will be of tremendous value to those who have the benefit of observing you.

You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive or sick enough to help sick people get well. You only ever uplift from your position of strength and clarity and alignment.

*****

This is one of my most favorite quotes from Abraham-Hicks. Can you imagine how light someone raised with this belief would be? What if parents did not try to control their children by telling them what they did was the cause of the parents' emotions?

Don't give others control over how you feel. Don't believe others if they tell you that you are responsible for their feelings. Free yourself from guilt.

Allow Well-Being

2010-06-12T11:15:00.002-05:00

We would like you to release the word "achieve" or "earn" from your vocabulary and from your understanding, altogether, and we would like you to replace those words with the word "allow".

You're wanting to allow your Well-being, not achieve it. It's not something that you need to earn. All you have to do is decide what it is you would like to experience, and then allow it in order to achieve it. It isn't something you have to struggle for or try for.

**Abraham-Hicks**

Allow Feeling

2010-06-08T14:02:00.004-05:00

Sitting with our feelings is the best thing we can do for ourselves rather than stuffing them deep inside.

It can take great courage to really sit with our feelings, allowing ourselves to surrender to their powerful energies. All too often we set our feelings aside, thinking we will deal with them later. If we don’t deal with them, we end up storing them in our minds and bodies and this is when anxiety and other health issues can arise. Denying what our bodies want to feel can lead to trouble now or down the line, which is why being in the thick of our feelings, no matter how scary it seems, is really the best thing we can do for ourselves. One of the reasons we tend to hide or push aside our feelings is that we live in a culture that has not traditionally supported emotional awareness. However, as the connection between mind and body--our emotions and our physical health-- becomes clearer, awareness of the importance of feeling our feelings has grown.

When we simply allow ourselves to fully feel our feelings as they come, we tend to let them go easily. This is all we are required to do; our feelings simply want to be felt. No need for analyzing them! (The Daily OM)
***************************

I used to believe that to be productive as well as sane, emotions like grief, anger, betrayal, and fear...to name just a few....had to be overcome, and quickly. Such strong feelings of hot pain could only hurt me, I thought. It's taken me a very long time to get to believing that the real harm is in suppressing it all! Now, I work at allowing, and I teach others the same. There is much comfort as well as power in allowing. It spells accepting and loving all of ourselves.

Great Advice!

2010-06-05T09:51:00.001-05:00

Make more decisions in every day because a decision is a summoning of life.

That's why a little chaos is good for you, because often you don't make a decision until you get yourself in a jam. And then, in the middle of the jam, you make a decision, but that decision summons Life Force.

Have you ever been a place where you couldn't quite make up your mind and you just felt sort of limp? "Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know." And then you decided, and you felt alive again.

We want you to know that you'll never get it done. So don't approach this from, "I gotta get on this" because you're not ever going to get it done, anyway. And the other thing we want you to know is, you cannot get it wrong. So, make a decision. Let it flow. (Abraham-Hicks)

Quieting Monkey Mind

2010-06-02T18:29:00.005-05:00

Most of us get frustrated when things don't go the way we want. Maybe we have so much on our plate, we are exhausted just thinking about it.....and we are so stressed that we have a difficult time accomplishing any of those things.

This exercise comes from Esther Hicks, and it works every time. Called the "Placemat" because originally, the story goes, Esther wrote her list out on a paper placemat while having breakfast in a restaurant.

Turn a blank piece of paper horizontally and draw a line down the middle from top to bottom.
Mark the left column: "Everything I need and want to to today, being sure to include some fun things, as well.
Mark the right column: "Everything I want God (or the Universe) to do or to figure out for me.

The only difficult part about this is taking the time to make the list. :-)Go ahead....do it. You will be surprised.

Dealing With Fear

2010-05-28T13:57:00.008-05:00

F.E.A.R. is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. There’s no true threat of immediate physical danger, no threat of a loss of someone or something dear to us, actually nothing there at all.

F.E.A.R. is an illusion. Something we fabricate in our own minds and pretend it’s real. It’s a fairy tale we tell ourselves that keeps us from doing what we really want.

False evidence appearing real.

The common label for F.E.A.R is anxiety, a less fundamental emotion that arises purely from our own thoughts, not external reality. And 50 years of cognitive psychology research demonstrates that while we can’t always control how we feel, we do have the power to choose how we think and act. **Brian Clark**

****

I have had no success overcoming fear. I fear heights, dental work, public speaking, and many other things. There are three things which have helped me.

1. I have learned that I cannot predict the future. I really can NOT, and I refuse to waste valuable time today fearing for something which has not happened...a future event of some kind. In this case, how I think about the future...unknown, like it or not....has changed my anxiety level tremendously.

2. When I don't want to undertake a project that requires risking time and money because almost all of my projects of the last several years have failed, I remind myself of the large numbers of famous people who failed many more times than I have and met success because they did not give up. Sometimes, I actually have to read about these people once again, even twice again...before my fear melts.

3. There are a number of fears which I permit myself. If I am going to be brave in most things, then allowing myself to keep some fears feels comforting. For example, I am perfectly o.k. with not going on high ladders or roller coasters, swimming in deep water, or visiting snake exhibits. These and a few other fears are sacrosanct. I own them, and I do not accept anyone trying to talk me out of them or making fun of them.

What's important for me is that I don't miss out on anything by giving myself permission to fear a few things. Only deal with what is going to enhance your life. At the same time, deal with most fears head-on as fear breeds fear. (I no longer watch the news.)

Living With Intenttion

2010-05-25T18:48:00.003-05:00

Everything we do benefits from intention, which has the power to transform mundane tasks into profound experiences.

We tend to associate the energy of intent with complicated or profoundly meaningful actions that require our full attention and effort in order to succeed. For example, walking a tightrope, taking a test, and taking a vow are all tasks that call us to be fully present and single-minded.

However, intent can also be applied to everyday events, like eating breakfast or going to work. In fact, everything we do benefits from the presence of intent, which has the power to transform seemingly mundane tasks into profound experiences.

Intent is one of the cornerstones of the Zen tradition of Buddhism in which monks work for years to develop the stillness and sharpness of mind to do only one thing at a time. Most of the time we are doing one thing and thinking of something else, or even doing three things at the same time, such as talking on the phone, doing dishes, and boiling water for tea.

There is nothing inherently wrong with multitasking, which seems necessary at times, especially in the midst of family life. However, balancing this with a healthy dose of intentional activity can provide valuable insight into the benefits of doing one thing at a time, being fully present with whatever the task at hand happens to be. From the moment we wake up, we can apply intent to our situation by simply saying to ourselves, “I am aware that I am now awake.” We can use this simple tool throughout our day, saying, “I am aware that I am driving to work.” “I am aware that I am making dinner.” Or even, “I am aware that I am breathing.”

As we acknowledge what we are doing in these moments, we come alive to our bodies and to the world, owning our actions instead of habitually performing them. We may realize how often we act without intention and how this disengages us from reality. Applying the energy of intent to even one task a day has the power to transform our lives. ***Daily OM***

Forgiving Ourselves

2010-05-17T18:44:00.002-05:00

I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes - it is inevitable.

But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, "well, if I'd known better I'd have done better," that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, "I'm sorry," and then you say to yourself, "I'm sorry."

If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves.

Now mind you; when a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats - as too black, or too white, or too poor, or too fat, or too thin, or too sexual, or too asexual - that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach. (Maya Angelou)

Holding oneself up to excessively high standards is the work of ego. To make mistakes is human. To go on and on about our failure is boring, and, perhaps manipulative.

Recognizing Ego

2010-05-15T12:16:00.008-05:00

Sometimes it’s not so easy to tell whether what we are thinking or feeling is coming from our ego. One criterion you can use is to know is: If there is any negativity involved, anger, resentment, irritation, then Ego is present there. If there is no negativity but there is an underlying field of peace, then it arises from a deeper place that is not the Ego.

For example, you may be in a situation, and you may feel that suddenly the right thing to do is to leave the situation – whether it’s a relationship, or a place, or a job, whatever it is – you can direct attention to the feeling to see where it’s coming from. Is there any reactivity, or anger in the essential part of that feeling? Or is there just a deep knowing that this is what you have to do, and you do it? There’s a peace that comes with that.

Peace can certainly mean that you take action. It’s a very different energy field out of which this energy flows than “reactive” action which is always associated with Ego. You need a certain amount of presence to know whether there is negativity inside you at any given time, or whether the feeling that arises comes from a deep knowing that “This is what I have to do”.

Negativity is the key, knowing whether or not that is present in you. If you are identified with negativity, then you won’t even know that there IS negativity.

To the Ego, a negative feeling is something good. The Ego loves to be angry. It strengthens itself with that. If there is absolutely no awareness, then you won’t even know that you’re in a negative state. And then there’s nothing you can do, you need to wake up first so that you can see “What state am I in right now?”

For the Ego to be recognized, awareness needs to have awakened. Then you can observe yourself. The witness, the observing presence, needs to be there.

Once that’s there, you can recognize negativity, and then you’ll know that’s the Ego. Then the Ego is no longer totally dominating you, and you don’t necessarily have to act on it. You can then have a feeling of anger without acting on it, and simply allowing that feeling to be there, and observing it, how it arises, and how it passes away. You don’t have to obey what it tells you to do, you don’t have to follow every thought that arises out of that feeling.

Vigilance is required for you to know where a feeling comes from. Is it generated by a thought in your head? Then it’s Ego. Is it a feeling that is generated by some story I am telling myself about my life, about other people, about a situation? Or is it a deeper realization of what is needed in a situation? Whatever it is, the key factor is the witnessing presence inside you.

~~~Eckhart Tolle~~~

.Honesty is Best

2010-05-11T13:26:00.004-05:00

When we speak the truth, we affirm what already is. This is like using a paddle when the stream is already moving the same direction, so we don’t need to exert much energy, leaving more for other pursuits.

But dishonesty redirects a portion of our energy against the flow, which requires extra effort. In addition, it creates an alternate reality that requires further energetic input to be maintained.

We may feel that little untruths are harmless, but they can be like small cracks that weaken an overall structure over time. Even giving someone a compliment or trying to protect them can create problems later when the alternate reality we’ve created becomes the basis for further actions. Even if the actions that follow are honestly done, the underlying unstable foundation of dishonesty will threaten to topple things eventually. This can lead to further energy being spent on keeping things hidden, working to remember the tales we’ve spun and fearing the consequences of being found out.

Speaking and living our truth may involve risking, among other things, the possibility of rejection. But when we allow ourselves to follow the flow of life, we are supported. We can then use our energy to cultivate physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being and to create our dreams, rather than leaving ourselves drained.
(Based on the Daily OM)

Finding Meaning

2010-05-06T17:19:00.004-05:00

Many of us who don't have to struggle with meeting our most basic needs, seek to have a more meaningful life. We do more and more, thinking that we will find meaning in more accomplishments.

Connecting to nature grounds us, but doesn't leave us permanently satisfied. It is very hard to find meaning in one's life.

It is much easier to find meaning in one's actions! Why not take meaningful action? Help someone.
Help in any way that you can. No action is too small; start wherever you can. If your actions have meaning, then your life will as well.

Accepting Our Shadow

2010-04-30T15:41:00.005-05:00

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength. (August Wilson)

I had trouble getting back to finishing the continuation I promised you. My mind has visited so many other ideas!!! It bored of "the shadow" very quickly. I have to either finish what I start in one "fell swoop" or very soon after I leave it.
This is another reason for procrastination: fascination with the "new". It's not a bad thing in itself, but what about if it leaves others who have been depending on the finished product, or whatever the finished "thing" may be, hanging?

And even when no one is waiting on us to complete a task, I believe it's a good thing to be accountable to oneself. Once I realized that this is an issue for me....an uncomfortable feeling washed over me. I wanted to make all kinds of excuses!

It was then that I realized that I could accept this about myself! With acceptance comes the bonus of not having to feel guilty. It's no longer a matter of I should be, but how I AM. I don't much like it, but all I have to do is accept it.....accept myself as being human.

Our shadow can only wield its power over us when we keep it in the dark. And instead of something to be denied, feared or rejected, the shadow has our most treasured gifts: the essence of who we are. When we bring light to the darkness, we find the fundamental parts of our true self buried inside. And as we explore this part of ourselves we most feared, we become free—free to experience the full range of our humanness, free to bask in our glorious totality, free to choose what we do in this world. Our shadow delivers us the blessing of our entire self.

When we make peace with our shadow, our lives transform. We no longer have to pretend to be someone we're not. We no longer have to prove we're good enough. We no longer have to live in fear. Instead, as we find the gifts of our shadow and revel in all the glory of our true self.

The Shadow

2010-04-19T13:00:00.001-05:00

Our shadow, formed long ago, contains all the parts of ourselves that we have tried to hide or deny, the parts we believe are not acceptable to our family, friends and, most importantly, ourselves. It is made up of everything that annoys, horrifies or disgusts us about other people or about ourselves. It holds all that we try to hide from those we love and all that we don't want other people to think about us or find out about us.

As the great Swiss psychologist C.G. Jung says, our shadow is the person we would rather not be. From its invisible home deep within our psyche, the shadow wields enormous power over our life.

It determines what we can and cannot do, what we will be irresistibly drawn toward, and what we will do almost anything to avoid. It dictates our attractions and our repulsions and determines what we will love and what we will judge and criticize. Our shadow controls how much success we're entitled to create or how much failure we're doomed to experience. The shadow is an oracle that predicts all of our behaviors, driving the way we treat those around us—and how we treat ourselves. ~~Debbie Ford~~

***

I think the main objective of most therapy is to teach the client acceptance of

his/her shadow side. To suppress it takes a tremendous amount of energy, causes many difficulties, including physical illness, it is believed. Whether one believes that illness results from stress, or that illness is "dis-ease"...a lack of 'ease', i.e. a spiritual problem, the result is the same. (To be continued)

We Are All Crew

2010-04-15T19:26:00.000-05:00

“There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth.

We are all crew.”

-Marshall McLuhan

Take Responsibility for Your Life

2010-04-09T18:39:00.000-05:00

“Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find you’re here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.” ~~~Eckhart Tolle~~~

Handling Personal "Disasters"

2010-04-08T10:33:00.002-05:00

I think that some people are just more volatile than others. If you are anything like me, you may have wondered about the reason for this. I think that regardless of what we were born with, or even learned while growing up, we can change that which we don't want to keep, while substituting thoughts and behavior that we DO want for ourselves.

First, we need to get honest with ourselves. Are we taking in a lot of caffeine? Not sleeping well? Too much sugar? Junk food? Medication effects or interaction? I suggest that all these kinds of issues be addressed first. And, though it sounds simplistic, the next step is to learn a new way of being....a new way of behaving, with or without assistance from a professional.

The payoff is big! It is personal peace and improved relationships.

If you stop and think before you act, your life will be more in control—in your control. Whether you are facing an overbearing colleague or a delayed flight, keeping your cool and reacting thoughtfully can be your new M.O. Here are a few ways to tackle your next disaster:

Looking Glass

Self-awareness will improve clarity and help you see yourself. How do you really feel when a friend doesn't call you back? Instead of losing your cool or stuffing your feelings, take a look at the situation. You may find that it's not about you at all.

Self-Regulation

Do you think and speak negative thoughts? Then cut it out! Negative inner dialogue will get you nowhere. Try distracting yourself with positive thoughts about loved ones, a vacation spot or an enjoyable activity. Also, relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or meditating can help.

Communicate?

Open up and put your ideas on the table. Chances are others will find what you have to say engaging. In addition to speaking up more, listen to others as well. This will help you exchange ideas and points of view.

Be Proactive

Find and implement reasonable problem-solving solutions rather than sitting idly and stewing over a bad day. Define your problem, remember your goals and think about how to really get there. If you are always late for work, for example, then get up 10 minutes earlier.

The Art of Persuasion

People who rise to high places don't crack under pressure, they coolly think about the situation at hand. And they employ skills that work such as persuasiveness, conflict management and taking a leadership position.

Saying No

No one wants to be labeled a pushover, nor do they want to be confrontational. But how do you assert your needs without 1) collapsing into a pile of mush or 2) stepping on everyone's toes? There are ways to assert yourself in situations that don't suit you. You can say no by keeping it simple and including an explicit "no."

Empathize with Others

Everyone has a bad day. So be empathetic. This may help you reframe a person's bad behavior. And in the end, it's not about you. ~~~Aysha Hussain, Psychology Today~~~

Neediness, Not a Dirty Word

2010-04-05T19:54:00.001-05:00

Though this article was written for the self-employed, I think it is of universal interest. Neediness is so seldom addressed in a positive, or even a neutral manner, that I am most grateful to Molly Gordon who wrote this.

It seems that neediness has become a dirty word. If you are needy, your friends will pity you, acquaintances will shun you, and clients will stay away in droves.
It's as if you have a disgusting rash.
But you know, it's hard enough to feel needy without heaping guilt and shame on top of it. Besides, there is a real way in which neediness is not only okay, but essential to your business.

Human beings have needs
So long as you are alive and your survival instinct is intact, you're going to have needs. Some of these needs are physical, for food and shelter, for example. Others are emotional. You need to feel accepted as part of a family and community or you will fail to thrive.
And then there are needs related to making meaning. And making meaning is essential once your basic needs are met.

Meaning is a human need
From earliest times human beings have sought to explain their place in the cosmos. Myths sprang up around the communal fire to explain such stunning events as eclipses, not to mention the mysteries of weather and even the cycles of our own bodies.
Without a way to make sense of the world around you (and your place in it), you are adrift. Meaning is what anchors you to a certain view of the world. What gives you your value systems and tells you what things are worth doing and what are not.

The intersection of need and self-employment
Self-employment brings you face to face with many levels of neediness. To begin with, there are survival needs, which vary depending on how much of your livelihood depends on your chosen work.
And even if you have other sources of income, your needs to be valued and to make a contribution can be insistent.
There's just no way of avoiding neediness in life or self-employment.

Facing neediness takes courage
Facing your own neediness takes courage (heart). You need to be able to observe not only what you need but how you respond to the lack.
And you need to be able to engage with what you need while staying open to having your needs met.

Neediness is part of the hero's journey
In all of myth you won't find a hero who isn't needy. At the very least there is the need to complete the journey and attain the reward at journey's end. Then there is the shadow side of heroism where marginalized aspects of the personality such as fear, need, and greed lurk.
And self-employment is nothing if not a hero's journey.
Very well, you say. You get that neediness happens, that it is inescapable. But how the heck are you supposed to deal with it so it doesn't beat you down and drive business away?
The key is not to collapse into neediness, but to let it be your teacher.

How to engage your neediness without collapsing into it
The problem with neediness isn't that it happens, it's that collapsing into it brings growth to a screaming halt. But you don't have to collapse into neediness. Instead, you can regard neediness as your teacher.
Here's some of what neediness can teach, and how your business can benefit from the lessons learned.

Humility. The first virtue neediness will teach is humility. If you're feeling "less than" and needing reassurance that you are enough, welcome to the real world. In and of yourself you aren't enough and never will be.
That's actually good news. It's an invitation to tap into a larger Source of meaning and value. You answer that invitation by reaching out to the community around you. By studying masters who have gone before you. And by connecting with Spirit.
Whenever you open yourself to humility, a path will show up before you. Just remember that you may be shown only one step of that path at a time.

Emptiness. Closely related to humility is the virtue of emptiness. Emptiness is essential to the creative process. The seeds of new projects, new ways of promoting your work, and new ways to prosper take root first in emptiness.
Make some time every day to be empty. Take a walk without your iPod. Stare out the window instead of reading a book. Do the dishes with full attention instead of watching television.

Sufficiency. One of the mysterious lessons of neediness is that you have everything that is sufficient for your well being right now. If you are reading these words, you have what you need in this moment.
I'm not talking about settling for a small life, but about recognizing the larger possibilities that your life already contains. When you tune into the myriad ways in which you are already supported, these possibilities spring up like crocuses in spring.

Neediness is a beginning, not an end
It can be scary to feel needy. But that fear doesn't need to bring your growth as a person or a business to a halt. Practice noticing neediness without judging or rejecting it. As best you can, open to its teachings. And know yourself to be a hero on the most important journey you can make: living your own wild and precious life

Is It The Truth?

2010-03-30T12:57:00.001-05:00

I think that many misunderstandings are created by the assumption that our thoughts are the truth. Our thoughts merely reflect our beliefs which mirror how we have interpreted what we have experienced.

It isn't easy to be always aware of and to question our thoughts, and, yet, it is very rewarding. Eckhart Tolle describes this as being "present", listening, watching, sensing the true inner self within you.

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Humans believe so many lies because we aren't aware. We ignore the truth or we just don't see the truth. When we are educated, we accumulate a lot of knowledge, and all that knowledge is just like a wall of fog that doesn't allow us to perceive the truth, what really is. We only see what we want to see; we only hear what we want to hear.

In our development, as we grow throughout our lives, the structure of our beliefs becomes very complicated, and we make it even more complicated because we make the assumption that what we believe is the absolute truth. We never stop to consider that our beliefs are only a relative truth that's always going to be distorted by all the knowledge we have stored in our memory.

Centuries ago, people believed that the earth was flat. Some said that elephants were supporting the earth, and that made them feel safe. The belief that the earth was flat was considered the truth, and almost everybody agreed, but did that make it true? It was nothing but a superstition, and I can assure you that we still live in a world of superstition. The question is: Are we aware of it?

Wherever you go, you will hear all kinds of opinions and stories from other people. Don't believe them. Be skeptical, but learn to listen and then make your choices. Be responsible for every choice you make in your life.

~~Don Miguel Ruiz~~