Sometimes it is not easy to remember that WE are in charge....That WE create our reality. Although there are many explanations of why holidays are stressful, you are the one who creates the stress by your expectations for yourself as well as your expectations for your family.
This is what "experts" say about holiday stress:
- Unhappy memories. Going home for the holidays naturally makes people remember old times, but for you the memories may be more bitter than sweet. “During the holidays, a lot of childhood memories come back,” says Duckworth, who is also an assistant professor at Harvard University Medical School. “You may find yourself dwelling on what was inadequate about your childhood and what was missing.” If you associate the holidays with a bad time in your life -- the loss of a loved one, a previous depression -- this time of year will naturally bring those memories back.
- Toxic relatives. Holidays can put you in the same room with relatives you avoid the rest of the year. People struggling with depression may face stigma, too. “Some relatives don’t really believe you’re depressed,” says Gloria Pope, director of advocacy and public policy at the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance in Chicago. “They think you’re just lazy, or that it’s all in your head. It can be really hurtful.”
- What’s changed. The holidays can highlight everything that’s changed in your lives -- a divorce, a death in the family, a son who’s making his first trip back home after starting college. Any of these can really unsettle a gathering and add holiday stress.
- What’s stayed the same. For others, it’s the monotonous sameness of family holiday gatherings that depresses them -- the same faces, the same jokes, the same food on the same china plates.
- Lowered defenses. During the holiday season, you’re more likely to be stressed out by obligations and errands. It’s cold and flu season and your immune system is under assault. It’s getting dark earlier each day. You’re eating worse, sleeping less, and drinking more. By the time the family gathering rolls around, you’re worn out, tense, and fragile. The holiday stress makes it harder to cope with your family than it might be at other times of the year.
1. Learning to live in the present means not dwelling on unhappy memories. Take charge of your thoughts.
2. Who says you must spend holidays with toxic relatives? You choose, always with a loving heart, of course, but suffering is optional.
3. It is your choice whether you view change as "bad" or as an exciting adventure. And, if it's "same old, same old".....Create something different.
4. If "lowered defenses" are an issue, you have been following all the "Shoulds" and not taking
care of yourself. You can change that, you know.
