The Know-It-All

Getting derailed is a normal part of life, especially so when tired or out of one's comfort zone. Knowing this enabled me to enjoy the incredible blessings of a Safari in spite of feeling off-center and hurt by some personal interactions.

Living happily requires tools and the skill to use them. I think most of us avoid that which we can, until we absolutely cannot any longer. I think that's a lot like not learning to drive a car and then when forced to drive in an emergency, winding up in a ditch. And, oh, how I wish I had known this years ago! :-)

But, it's never too late to learn skills. Specific relationships may end, but new ones follow and repeated behavior is never any less painful.

Overly simplified, but still excellent, is this from the Daily OM. If you have a Know-It-All in your life, the beginning is understanding:

A person that is a know-it-all is usually afraid of listening because it has become completely unfamiliar to listen.

Most of us have encountered a person in our lives who can accurately be referred to as a know-it-all. This person seems to know everything about anything that gets brought up and tends to dominate the conversation. They don’t take well to being questioned, and they have a hard time ever admitting that they were wrong.

Being around a know-it-all is inevitably tiring because there is no shared energy between the two of you. Rather, you become an audience member to this person’s need to be the center of attention. Attention and respect are probably the two things this person most longs for, and at some point in their lives, they learned that knowing it all was the way to get those needs met. Over time, they have become stuck in this pattern, regardless of the fact that it is no longer working. They may feel afraid of the experience of listening, being receptive, or learning something new, because it’s so unfamiliar.

On the one hand, when we see the childlike need underneath the know-it-all’s mask of confidence, we feel compassion for the person, and we may tolerate their one-sided approach to conversation out of a desire not to hurt their feelings. On the other hand, we may be feeling drained and tempted to avoid this person altogether.

In the middle of these two possible ways of feeling, we may actually like this person and wish for a closer relationship. If we come from a place of kindness, we might attempt to bridge the gap that this person’s habitual way of relating creates. Simply expressing a desire to be closer may open their heart, and give you a chance to ask for what you need in the relationship—a chance to contribute.