Neediness, Not a Dirty Word

Though this article was written for the self-employed, I think it is of universal interest.  Neediness is so seldom addressed in a positive, or even a neutral manner, that I am most grateful to Molly Gordon who wrote this.

It seems that neediness has become a dirty word. If you are needy, your friends will pity you, acquaintances will shun you, and clients will stay away in droves.
It's as if you have a disgusting rash.
But you know, it's hard enough to feel needy without heaping guilt and shame on top of it. Besides, there is a real way in which neediness is not only okay, but essential to your business.


Human beings have needs
So long as you are alive and your survival instinct is intact, you're going to have needs. Some of these needs are physical, for food and shelter, for example. Others are emotional. You need to feel accepted as part of a family and community or you will fail to thrive.
And then there are needs related to making meaning. And making meaning is essential once your basic needs are met.


Meaning is a human need
From earliest times human beings have sought to explain their place in the cosmos. Myths sprang up around the communal fire to explain such stunning events as eclipses, not to mention the mysteries of weather and even the cycles of our own bodies.
Without a way to make sense of the world around you (and your place in it), you are adrift. Meaning is what anchors you to a certain view of the world. What gives you your value systems and tells you what things are worth doing and what are not.


The intersection of need and self-employment
Self-employment brings you face to face with many levels of neediness. To begin with, there are survival needs, which vary depending on how much of your livelihood depends on your chosen work.
And even if you have other sources of income, your needs to be valued and to make a contribution can be insistent.
There's just no way of avoiding neediness in life or self-employment.


Facing neediness takes courage
Facing your own neediness takes courage (heart). You need to be able to observe not only what you need but how you respond to the lack.
And you need to be able to engage with what you need while staying open to having your needs met.


Neediness is part of the hero's journey
In all of myth you won't find a hero who isn't needy. At the very least there is the need to complete the journey and attain the reward at journey's end. Then there is the shadow side of heroism where marginalized aspects of the personality such as fear, need, and greed lurk.
And self-employment is nothing if not a hero's journey.
Very well, you say. You get that neediness happens, that it is inescapable. But how the heck are you supposed to deal with it so it doesn't beat you down and drive business away?
The key is not to collapse into neediness, but to let it be your teacher.


How to engage your neediness without collapsing into it
The problem with neediness isn't that it happens, it's that collapsing into it brings growth to a screaming halt. But you don't have to collapse into neediness. Instead, you can regard neediness as your teacher.
Here's some of what neediness can teach, and how your business can benefit from the lessons learned.


Humility. The first virtue neediness will teach is humility. If you're feeling "less than" and needing reassurance that you are enough, welcome to the real world. In and of yourself you aren't enough and never will be.
That's actually good news. It's an invitation to tap into a larger Source of meaning and value. You answer that invitation by reaching out to the community around you. By studying masters who have gone before you. And by connecting with Spirit.
Whenever you open yourself to humility, a path will show up before you. Just remember that you may be shown only one step of that path at a time.


Emptiness. Closely related to humility is the virtue of emptiness. Emptiness is essential to the creative process. The seeds of new projects, new ways of promoting your work, and new ways to prosper take root first in emptiness.
Make some time every day to be empty. Take a walk without your iPod. Stare out the window instead of reading a book. Do the dishes with full attention instead of watching television.


Sufficiency. One of the mysterious lessons of neediness is that you have everything that is sufficient for your well being right now. If you are reading these words, you have what you need in this moment.
I'm not talking about settling for a small life, but about recognizing the larger possibilities that your life already contains. When you tune into the myriad ways in which you are already supported, these possibilities spring up like crocuses in spring.


Neediness is a beginning, not an end
It can be scary to feel needy. But that fear doesn't need to bring your growth as a person or a business to a halt. Practice noticing neediness without judging or rejecting it. As best you can, open to its teachings. And know yourself to be a hero on the most important journey you can make: living your own wild and precious life

Is It The Truth?

I think that many misunderstandings are created by the assumption that our thoughts are the truth.  Our thoughts merely reflect our beliefs which mirror how we have interpreted what we have experienced.

It isn't easy to be always aware of and to question our thoughts, and, yet, it is very rewarding.  Eckhart Tolle describes this as being "present", listening, watching, sensing the true inner self within you.

                                                   *****

Humans believe so many lies because we aren't aware. We ignore the truth or we just don't see the truth. When we are educated, we accumulate a lot of knowledge, and all that knowledge is just like a wall of fog that doesn't allow us to perceive the truth, what really is. We only see what we want to see; we only hear what we want to hear. 

In our development, as we grow throughout our lives, the structure of our beliefs becomes very complicated, and we make it even more complicated because we make the assumption that what we believe is the absolute truth. We never stop to consider that our beliefs are only a relative truth that's always going to be distorted by all the knowledge we have stored in our memory.

Centuries ago, people believed that the earth was flat. Some said that elephants were supporting the earth, and that made them feel safe. The belief that the earth was flat was considered the truth, and almost everybody agreed, but did that make it true? It was nothing but a superstition, and I can assure you that we still live in a world of superstition. The question is: Are we aware of it?

Wherever you go, you will hear all kinds of opinions and stories from other people. Don't believe them. Be skeptical, but learn to listen and then make your choices. Be responsible for every choice you make in your life.  

 ~~Don Miguel Ruiz~~

The Law of Attraction

The law of attraction states that you will attract into your life—whether wanted or unwanted—whatever you give your energy, focus, and attention to.

You are constantly giving off vibrations of energy when you think and feel. These vibrations can be picked up and received by other people. That’s why people say, “he has good vibes,” or “he gives off bad vibes.” You are constantly giving off vibrations.

If you’re feeling excited, enthusiastic, passionate, happy, joyful, loving, appreciative, abundant, prosperous, relaxed and peaceful, you are giving off positive vibrations.

On the other hand, if you are feeling bored, anxious, worried, confused, sad, lonely, hurt, angry, resentful, guilty, disappointed, frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed out, or depressed, then you are giving off negative vibrations.

The law of attraction states that the universe responds to whatever you are offering -- by giving you more of whatever you are vibrating. It doesn’t care whether it is good for you or not; it simply responds to your vibration.

The problem is that most of the time, you are not aware of what vibration you are offering. You are simply responding to things outside of you—current events, the news, how people treat you, the stock market, how much money you are making, how your children are doing in school, whether or not your favorite sports team wins—and then having a feeling that is either positive or negative.

When you are simply responding unconsciously to what happens around you, you tend to stay “stuck” in your current condition. This is why most people’s lives never seem to change very much. They get stuck in a repeating cycle of recreating the same reality over and over by the vibration they are sending out.

It works like this… First you observe what you currently have and are currently receiving in your life. You call this your “reality.” You respond to what you observe with a feeling, positive or negative, which then gives off that vibration to the universe. The law of attraction then responds to this vibration and brings you more of what you were vibrating. This keeps the cycle going over and over, until you choose to change it through the exertion of your will. You are a victim of your lack of awareness of the law of attraction.



Step 1: Identify what you truly desire & eliminate the negative

It is important to focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want. You must state it in the positive and filter out the words don’t, not and no. Remember, your mind works in pictures and if you say I don’t want to be mad, you are creating the picture and thus the vibration of being mad. You must create the opposite of what you don’t want.

Step 2: Raise your vibration level

Your job in stage two is to create a vibrational match for that which you say you want to have. How would you be feeling if you already had those things—the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the mount of money that you want to have?

Your job is to identify what makes you feel good and do more of it, then learn not to tolerate your negative feelings.

Affirmations are an important component in raising your vibrational level to what it is you want. Remember, the law of attraction does not respond to the words you use or the thoughts you think. It simply responds to how you feel about what you say and how you feel about what you think.

Step 3. Release it and allow it.

In this third step you simply release your affirmation, your vibration, and your feelings to the universe to take care of your “request” or “order” as I call it. But you have to abstain from any doubts. If you doubt you can have it in any way, then you are not allowing it. You are pushing it away and you end up with contradictory messages to the universe

It is only when the contradictory thoughts, talk, and images are removed that your desired results will manifest. The faster you remove your resistance, the faster your dreams can be realized.

Jack Canfield, America’s Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

Like learning any new skill, mastery will take time and practice. You might want to enlist the help of a good friend to be your sounding board, or work with a coach.

Give What You Are Not Receiving

 

Whatever you think people are withholding from you – praise, appreciation, assistance, loving care, and so on – give it to them. You don't have it? Just act as if you had it and it will come. 

Then, soon after you start giving, you will start receiving. You cannot receive what you don't give. Outflow determines inflow. Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you already have, but unless you allow it to flow out, you won't even know that you have it. (Eckhart Tolle, from the book, A New Earth)

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What the heck....There's nothing to lose. I challenge you to take this on as an experiment to see how it works for you.  I'd love to hear from you.

Happiness Is a Choice

Most of us believe that  people are happy because they were born with such a disposition or that they are happy because of the things they have.  Some people do seem to  have naturally cheerful dispositions, but things, beyond the basics, bring only short-lived happiness.  

The joy we feel about new jewelry, clothes, car, or dream house dissipates quickly.  Some of us get caught in continuous seeking not realizing that we mistake thrill of the new with happiness.  Happiness, just like love, is something you DO. The good news is that that the choice to be happy is entirely yours.  It is not dependent on things or on other people.

It is so simple that most people don't believe me. Here it is:

***Make being happy your goal.  

***Become conscious of your thoughts and your words. Ask your friends to point them out to you.  Yes, you may feel annoyed with them, but try to remember they are helping you reach your goal.

***Make an effort to change every unhappy thought and word to happy ones.

***Make your first thought in the morning and your last thought in the evening a 'thank you' for a specific blessing.

***Throughout the day, make it a point to be grateful for even the smallest miracles of life.

Write me when you have come this far and I will share with you the next step which I consider the icing on the cake!

Let Them Go

Even our children are not ours to control, but only to teach and to care for until they can do so for themselves. Allow them that. Teach those who truly need your help how to take care of themselves, for in this way you are empowering them, helping them become strong and self-reliant.  Honor them by believing that they can and will.  Almost everyone has at least one situation or relationship in which they try to exert control. This often happens because someone’s behavior makes us uncomfortable. We may feel it makes us look bad, or it embarrasses us. For example, if your best friend tends to drink too much, you might spend an entire party just trying to prevent her from doing so. This is different from directly confronting her about the problem and allowing her to decide what she should do. Controlling behavior generally goes hand in hand with an unwillingness to be direct about what you want, as well as an inability to let go and let people live their own lives. It is hard sometimes to allow others to be who they are, especially if we feel we know what’s best for them and we see them making choices we wouldn’t make. However, if we are to be respectful and truly loving, we have to let people go, trusting that they will find their own way in their own time and understanding that it is their life to live. Just reminding yourself that the only life you have to live is your own is the first step.  from the Daily OM

No Good Deed Goes Unrewarded

Yes, you have heard cynics say just the opposite.  It's a matter of whether one sees the glass as half full or half empty, I believe.  Since we have a choice in how we look at things, why not choose what makes us happier?

I do think that all bets are off when we do things with an expectancy of reward, however.  Sometimes we get lucky, but usually we just set ourselves up for disappointment. It's when we do things from an open heart, without expectation of any type of reward, that the gift is returned to us, frequently, many times over.

Yesterday, the man who mows lawns in my neighborhood came to my door and asked if I had any work. It's been a cold winter, the grass and most shrubs are still dormant and I imagined he and his family are probably out of money by now.  I gave him $50 and asked him to do whatever he thought was fair in the front yard, and then I left to do errands.  (I did not really need anything, nor do I have $50 to give away.:-) 

As I drove off to do my errands, I briefly thought that I had been profligate. I recognized that as an "unhappy thought: and put it out of my mind. In the next few hours I was the happy witness to the kindness of people. I almost felt giddy with joy, and then came the icing on my cake:  The mail brought me a completely unexpected check for $53.