I think that some people are just more volatile than others. If you are anything like me, you may have wondered about the reason for this. I think that regardless of what we were born with, or even learned while growing up, we can change that which we don't want to keep, while substituting thoughts and behavior that we DO want for ourselves.
First, we need to get honest with ourselves. Are we taking in a lot of caffeine? Not sleeping well? Too much sugar? Junk food? Medication effects or interaction? I suggest that all these kinds of issues be addressed first. And, though it sounds simplistic, the next step is to learn a new way of being....a new way of behaving, with or without assistance from a professional.
The payoff is big! It is personal peace and improved relationships.
If you stop and think before you act, your life will be more in control—in your control. Whether you are facing an overbearing colleague or a delayed flight, keeping your cool and reacting thoughtfully can be your new M.O. Here are a few ways to tackle your next disaster:
Looking Glass
Self-awareness will improve clarity and help you see yourself. How do you really feel when a friend doesn't call you back? Instead of losing your cool or stuffing your feelings, take a look at the situation. You may find that it's not about you at all.
Self-Regulation
Do you think and speak negative thoughts? Then cut it out! Negative inner dialogue will get you nowhere. Try distracting yourself with positive thoughts about loved ones, a vacation spot or an enjoyable activity. Also, relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or meditating can help.
Communicate?
Open up and put your ideas on the table. Chances are others will find what you have to say engaging. In addition to speaking up more, listen to others as well. This will help you exchange ideas and points of view.
Be Proactive
Find and implement reasonable problem-solving solutions rather than sitting idly and stewing over a bad day. Define your problem, remember your goals and think about how to really get there. If you are always late for work, for example, then get up 10 minutes earlier.
The Art of Persuasion
People who rise to high places don't crack under pressure, they coolly think about the situation at hand. And they employ skills that work such as persuasiveness, conflict management and taking a leadership position.
Saying No
No one wants to be labeled a pushover, nor do they want to be confrontational. But how do you assert your needs without 1) collapsing into a pile of mush or 2) stepping on everyone's toes? There are ways to assert yourself in situations that don't suit you. You can say no by keeping it simple and including an explicit "no."
Empathize with Others
Everyone has a bad day. So be empathetic. This may help you reframe a person's bad behavior. And in the end, it's not about you. ~~~Aysha Hussain, Psychology Today~~~
Though this article was written for the self-employed, I think it is of universal interest. Neediness is so seldom addressed in a positive, or even a neutral manner, that I am most grateful to Molly Gordon who wrote this.
It seems that neediness has become a dirty word. If you are needy, your friends will pity you, acquaintances will shun you, and clients will stay away in droves.
It's as if you have a disgusting rash.
But you know, it's hard enough to feel needy without heaping guilt and shame on top of it. Besides, there is a real way in which neediness is not only okay, but essential to your business.
Human beings have needs So long as you are alive and your survival instinct is intact, you're going to have needs. Some of these needs are physical, for food and shelter, for example. Others are emotional. You need to feel accepted as part of a family and community or you will fail to thrive.
And then there are needs related to making meaning. And making meaning is essential once your basic needs are met.
Meaning is a human need
From earliest times human beings have sought to explain their place in the cosmos. Myths sprang up around the communal fire to explain such stunning events as eclipses, not to mention the mysteries of weather and even the cycles of our own bodies.
Without a way to make sense of the world around you (and your place in it), you are adrift. Meaning is what anchors you to a certain view of the world. What gives you your value systems and tells you what things are worth doing and what are not.
The intersection of need and self-employment
Self-employment brings you face to face with many levels of neediness. To begin with, there are survival needs, which vary depending on how much of your livelihood depends on your chosen work.
And even if you have other sources of income, your needs to be valued and to make a contribution can be insistent.
There's just no way of avoiding neediness in life or self-employment.
Facing neediness takes courage Facing your own neediness takes courage (heart). You need to be able to observe not only what you need but how you respond to the lack.
And you need to be able to engage with what you need while staying open to having your needs met.
Neediness is part of the hero's journey In all of myth you won't find a hero who isn't needy. At the very least there is the need to complete the journey and attain the reward at journey's end. Then there is the shadow side of heroism where marginalized aspects of the personality such as fear, need, and greed lurk.
And self-employment is nothing if not a hero's journey.
Very well, you say. You get that neediness happens, that it is inescapable. But how the heck are you supposed to deal with it so it doesn't beat you down and drive business away?
The key is not to collapse into neediness, but to let it be your teacher.
How to engage your neediness without collapsing into it The problem with neediness isn't that it happens, it's that collapsing into it brings growth to a screaming halt. But you don't have to collapse into neediness. Instead, you can regard neediness as your teacher.
Here's some of what neediness can teach, and how your business can benefit from the lessons learned.
Humility. The first virtue neediness will teach is humility. If you're feeling "less than" and needing reassurance that you are enough, welcome to the real world. In and of yourself you aren't enough and never will be.
That's actually good news. It's an invitation to tap into a larger Source of meaning and value. You answer that invitation by reaching out to the community around you. By studying masters who have gone before you. And by connecting with Spirit.
Whenever you open yourself to humility, a path will show up before you. Just remember that you may be shown only one step of that path at a time.
Emptiness. Closely related to humility is the virtue of emptiness. Emptiness is essential to the creative process. The seeds of new projects, new ways of promoting your work, and new ways to prosper take root first in emptiness.
Make some time every day to be empty. Take a walk without your iPod. Stare out the window instead of reading a book. Do the dishes with full attention instead of watching television.
Sufficiency. One of the mysterious lessons of neediness is that you have everything that is sufficient for your well being right now. If you are reading these words, you have what you need in this moment.
I'm not talking about settling for a small life, but about recognizing the larger possibilities that your life already contains. When you tune into the myriad ways in which you are already supported, these possibilities spring up like crocuses in spring.
Neediness is a beginning, not an end It can be scary to feel needy. But that fear doesn't need to bring your growth as a person or a business to a halt. Practice noticing neediness without judging or rejecting it. As best you can, open to its teachings. And know yourself to be a hero on the most important journey you can make: living your own wild and precious life
I think that many misunderstandings are created by the assumption that our thoughts are the truth. Our thoughts merely reflect our beliefs which mirror how we have interpreted what we have experienced.
It isn't easy to be always aware of and to question our thoughts, and, yet, it is very rewarding. Eckhart Tolle describes this as being "present", listening, watching, sensing the true inner self within you.
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Humans believe so many lies because we aren't aware. We ignore the truth or we just don't see the truth. When we are educated, we accumulate a lot of knowledge, and all that knowledge is just like a wall of fog that doesn't allow us to perceive the truth, what really is. We only see what we want to see; we only hear what we want to hear.
In our development, as we grow throughout our lives, the structure of our beliefs becomes very complicated, and we make it even more complicated because we make the assumption that what we believe is the absolute truth. We never stop to consider that our beliefs are only a relative truth that's always going to be distorted by all the knowledge we have stored in our memory.
Centuries ago, people believed that the earth was flat. Some said that elephants were supporting the earth, and that made them feel safe. The belief that the earth was flat was considered the truth, and almost everybody agreed, but did that make it true? It was nothing but a superstition, and I can assure you that we still live in a world of superstition. The question is: Are we aware of it?
Wherever you go, you will hear all kinds of opinions and stories from other people. Don't believe them. Be skeptical, but learn to listen and then make your choices. Be responsible for every choice you make inyour life.
The law of attraction states that you will attract into your life—whether wanted or unwanted—whatever you give your energy, focus, and attention to.
You are constantly giving off vibrations of energy when you think and feel. These vibrations can be picked up and received by other people. That’s why people say, “he has good vibes,” or “he gives off bad vibes.” You are constantly giving off vibrations.
If you’re feeling excited, enthusiastic, passionate, happy, joyful, loving, appreciative, abundant, prosperous, relaxed and peaceful, you are giving off positive vibrations.
On the other hand, if you are feeling bored, anxious, worried, confused, sad, lonely, hurt, angry, resentful, guilty, disappointed, frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed out, or depressed, then you are giving off negative vibrations.
The law of attraction states that the universe responds to whatever you are offering -- by giving you more of whatever you are vibrating. It doesn’t care whether it is good for you or not; it simply responds to your vibration.
The problem is that most of the time, you are not aware of what vibration you are offering. You are simply responding to things outside of you—current events, the news, how people treat you, the stock market, how much money you are making, how your children are doing in school, whether or not your favorite sports team wins—and then having a feeling that is either positive or negative.
When you are simply responding unconsciously to what happens around you, you tend to stay “stuck” in your current condition. This is why most people’s lives never seem to change very much. They get stuck in a repeating cycle of recreating the same reality over and over by the vibration they are sending out.
It works like this… First you observe what you currently have and are currently receiving in your life. You call this your “reality.” You respond to what you observe with a feeling, positive or negative, which then gives off that vibration to the universe. The law of attraction then responds to this vibration and brings you more of what you were vibrating. This keeps the cycle going over and over, until you choose to change it through the exertion of your will. You are a victim of your lack of awareness of the law of attraction.
Step 1: Identify what you truly desire & eliminate the negative
It is important to focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want. You must state it in the positive and filter out the words don’t, not and no. Remember, your mind works in pictures and if you say I don’t want to be mad, you are creating the picture and thus the vibration of being mad. You must create the opposite of what you don’t want.
Step 2: Raise your vibration level
Your job in stage two is to create a vibrational match for that which you say you want to have. How would you be feeling if you already had those things—the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the mount of money that you want to have?
Your job is to identify what makes you feel good and do more of it, then learn not to tolerate your negative feelings.
Affirmations are an important component in raising your vibrational level to what it is you want. Remember, the law of attraction does not respond to the words you use or the thoughts you think. It simply responds to how you feel about what you say and how you feel about what you think.
Step 3. Release it and allow it.
In this third step you simply release your affirmation, your vibration, and your feelings to the universe to take care of your “request” or “order” as I call it. But you have to abstain from any doubts. If you doubt you can have it in any way, then you are not allowing it. You are pushing it away and you end up with contradictory messages to the universe
It is only when the contradictory thoughts, talk, and images are removed that your desired results will manifest. The faster you remove your resistance, the faster your dreams can be realized.
Jack Canfield, America’s Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Like learning any new skill, mastery will take time and practice.You might want to enlist the help of a good friend to be your sounding board, or work with a coach.
Whatever you think people are withholding from you – praise, appreciation, assistance, loving care, and so on – give it to them. You don't have it? Just act as if you had it and it will come.
Then, soon after you start giving, you will start receiving. You cannot receive what you don't give. Outflow determines inflow. Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you already have, but unless you allow it to flow out, you won't even know that you have it. (Eckhart Tolle, from the book, A New Earth)
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What the heck....There's nothing to lose. I challenge you to take this on as an experiment to see how it works for you. I'd love to hear from you.
Most of us believe that people are happy because they were born with such a disposition or that they are happy because of the things they have. Some people do seem to have naturally cheerful dispositions, but things, beyond the basics, bring only short-lived happiness.
The joy we feel about new jewelry, clothes, car, or dream house dissipates quickly. Some of us get caught in continuous seeking not realizing that we mistake thrill of the new with happiness. Happiness, just like love, is something you DO. The good news is that that the choice to be happy is entirely yours. It is not dependent on things or on other people.
It is so simple that most people don't believe me. Here it is:
***Make being happy your goal.
***Become conscious of your thoughts and your words. Ask your friends to point them out to you. Yes, you may feel annoyed with them, but try to remember they are helping you reach your goal.
***Make an effort to change every unhappy thought and word to happy ones.
***Make your first thought in the morning and your last thought in the evening a 'thank you' for a specific blessing.
***Throughout the day, make it a point to be grateful for even the smallest miracles of life.
Write me when you have come this far and I will share with you the next step which I consider the icing on the cake!
Even our children are not ours to control, but only to teach and to care for until they can do so for themselves. Allow them that. Teach those who truly need your help how to take care of themselves, for in this way you are empowering them, helping them become strong and self-reliant. Honor them by believing that they can and will.
Almost everyone has at least one situation or relationship in which they try to exert control. This often happens because someone’s behavior makes us uncomfortable. We may feel it makes us look bad, or it embarrasses us. For example, if your best friend tends to drink too much, you might spend an entire party just trying to prevent her from doing so. This is different from directly confronting her about the problem and allowing her to decide what she should do. Controlling behavior generally goes hand in hand with an unwillingness to be direct about what you want, as well as an inability to let go and let people live their own lives.
It is hard sometimes to allow others to be who they are, especially if we feel we know what’s best for them and we see them making choices we wouldn’t make. However, if we are to be respectful and truly loving, we have to let people go, trusting that they will find their own way in their own time and understanding that it is their life to live. Just reminding yourself that the only life you have to live is your own is the first step.
